Sweatshirt Parody

[Jacob Sartorius:]
I'm a really young guy
In fact I am only thirteen
I got famous making shitty Vines
And cringey lipsyncs on Musical.ly

Since my fans seem to love
Everything I do
They will probably love me doing
A pop song too

[Girl student #1:]
But you can't sing!

[Boy student #1:]
Your voice sounds like a sick animal who's dying!

[Teacher:]
Your singing makes my ears hurt!

[Girl student #2:]
It's making me nauseous!

[Boy student #2:]
I'd rather drink bleach than hear this!

[All students:]
God this song is a huge turd!

[Teacher:]
Plus this video looks like ass
It's no wonder it almost has
A million dislikes!

[Jacob Sartorius:]
If you think my singing sucks
Without auto-tune it's much worse
This is what I really sound like
The worst singing ever heard

But all my fans
Just see my face and swoon
And when I bite my lip
And do all my fuckboy moves

They are hypnotized
Get your dad's bank card and buy
My crap merchandise
Like my overpriced sweatshirt

It cost one buck to make
So I'll be laughing to the bank
Girl when you wear my sweatshirt

I hate my fat and smelly fans
But my mom and dad demand
I hug them and smile

[Jacob's dad:]
Jacob get inside!

[Jacob Sartorius:]
Why?

[Jacob's mom:]
To sew sweatshirts!

[Jacob Sartorius:]
But I really don't wanna sew!

[Jacob's dad:]
So?

[Jacob Sartorius:]
This blows

[Jacob's mom:]
Let's go!

[Jacob's dad:]
Oh wait
First let's make a Vine

[Jacob's parents:]
Now start sewing those sweatshirts!

[Jacob Sartorius:]
Help!

[Jacob's parents:]
Our son looks like an elf
But he's brought us such immense wealth
Hey Jacob get back to work!

[Jacob's dad:]
It's time to post a corny tweet

[Jacob's mom:]
And film a cringey Musical.ly

[Jacob's dad:]
Make all your fans buy sweatshirts!