Um, It's Kind Of A Lot

(album: "In Case I Make It," - 2022)

I'm afraid of leaving my house
I'm afraid of dying of cancer
I'm afraid of black sedans, white vans, and computers
I'm afraid of losing my mind
I'm afraid of windows and airplanes
I'm afraid of my past, my fans, and my future

But I never been afraid of no one breaking my heart
Not like I'm bout to fall and cut my throat on the shards

And I'm afraid of damn near everything
All my life's a panic trip, a rocket ship to planet schizoid
Hold me like a tourniquet and I you like an iron maiden
I've grown used to fear, but no, not to you yet my dear oh

I love you so much it scares me half to death
I'm not used to this, how did this happen?
I love you so much it scares me half to death
The other half I guess I'm giving to you. Oh, baby

I'm afraid that you'll change your mind
I'm afraid there's somebody better
I'm afraid of four-letter words like love, for, and ever
Or whatever
And I'm afraid you'll notice my flaws
I'm afraid you already have. Obviously
I'm afraid I'll come on too strong, hold you too tight and scare you too

But I never been afraid to wear my heart on my sleeve
At least to prove I'm weak and if you cut me I bleed
Could you be the light my X-rays need?
All my life's a Duchovny role, oh, Gillian you won't believe this
Spit me out you don't know where I've been, hold me at claw's length baby
I'm not used to fear of losing something I hold dear

I love you so much it scares me half to death
I'm not used to this, how did this happen?
I love you so much it scares me half to death
The other half I guess I'm giving to you. Oh, baby

I'll twist my words: a clever turn of phrase
Sorry darling, please excuse my constant need to self-aggrandize
Coddling my narcissism, M.A.D. come ride my A-bomb
While I beg you to say I'm okay
So here's one last lyric to sum up these thoughts I struggled to come up with
To make me sound deep and smart and then I promise I'll shut up
Let me think hold on I got this
Anything but I'm in love with you

I love you so much it scares me half to death
I'm not used to this, how did this happen?
I love you so much it scares me half to death
The other half I guess I'm giving to you. Oh, baby