Tiny Angel

(album: Vintage Modern - 2017)

So this story, is about a really close friend of mine
I love you, brother

My mates talk shit about their wives, but I love mine
Yeah we fight sometimes, but ain't that just life?
She's been pregnant now for some time, it took us years
And enough tries, I thought it wouldn't happen from my young life
From the drunk times, or when I tried drugs twice
I thought downstairs had gone and messed it up, right
The doctor told me that I need to stop stressing
The only thing that's working against us is just time
That was true, two months by
My wife called me up while I was working at the pub, right
She told me I was gonna be a daddy
We both broke down, she said there's something that I done right
I called my mother, told her I was gonna be a father
Mum cried, so did I, I was tongue-tied
I can't explain this feeling but I love life
I've never had a purpose and this had just become mine
To create this little person that's fun size
A little bit of her, and a little bit of me
But I pray he gets his mum's eyes
I say he 'cause I've always wanted a son, right
The ultrasound said it's a boy, my little ray of sunshine
It dawned on me, I can't wait to see my son rise
You know what they say about time though? It does fly
Fast forward nine months and suddenly it's crunch time
It's been a few days of going through contractions
Gotta stopwatch timing every moment that it happens
We reached five minutes so it's hospital time
I call ahead to see the doctors arrive, my wife's laughing
Now I properly drive like the cops are behind
But there was barely any traffic so we got there in time
I'm a little scared, but she ain't got a worry in sight
She's a warrior, exactly what you want in a wife
It's been several days of epic pain, every day she wakes up
Finally she's coming to that second stage of labour
I sit next to her, squeeze on her hand
Put a sponge up on her head and say, "Breathe if you can
I love you so much, baby, you're so strong
I could never do this but you so easily can"
She said the pain is insane like her abdomen's ruptured
Like someone's got a knife, and they're stabbing her stomach
She's like "We have to do somethin'," the nurse said, "It's natural
Relax, it's just a sign that it's actually coming"
She's like "No, it's too much, it's too hard to get out"
I'm saying any words I think'll help at calming her down
Doctor's like, "You're nearly through the worst part of it now"
Take a look and see my little king is starting to crown
They all telling her to push, and she's screaming
She's saying that it hurts, I tell her to keep breathing
It's like 'push' is the only word that they've said now
Then I'm shocked by the massive scream she let's out
The doctor's like "Yes, now the head's out"
And then I watch as he quickly pulling the rest out
It's so amazing to see my son in the flesh
I can't help but notice he hasn't taken a breath, now
They put a little plastic thing in his mouth
While the doctor's two fingers are slightly pumping his chest down
I start panicking, something's gone wrong
They push me to the side, I can barely see what's going on
He's not breathing, they need to resuscitate him
He's suffocating, I see that it's something major, I feel
So helpless, I wish I could come and save him
I pray that my son'll make it, it's taking 'em fucking ages
Everyone's in shock, I'm just listening in
Holding my breath, wishing I could give it to him, fuck
At 20 minutes, now they're stopping
They turn around, they say, "We've lost him"
I'm in shock, I can't talk
I'm staring at the ground, I can't walk
They hand him to us, can't believe the size of him
The most beautiful thing I've ever seen but there's no life in him
My wife's crying like, "Why aren't they reviving him?"
I said, "They tried for 20 minutes" she's like, "Try again"
Now I'm feeling like I'm stuck in hell
This is the worst pain I've fucking felt
I've been ten years clean, but now I'm drunk and on the drugs as well
I'm doing anything to numb myself, but nothing helps
I believed in God, for that I feel dumb as hell
Can someone please tell God to go and fuck himself
I'm sorry, yo, it's hard to be faithful
It's painful, heaven must be running out of angels
He died from asphyxiation, no air in his lungs
A parent should never have to bury their son
Especially one that's so precious it has barely begun
That's one thing in life that should never be done
I prayed for a son, and they blessed me with one
My biggest gift, now his presence is up
And I'm crying at the thought, he won't ever feel a hug
Or the tenderness of love that he'd be getting from his mum
Sent him from above, but why take him
It's like I'm being punished for the negative I've done
And it's killing me that Christmas time is barely in a month
So I'm doing what I have to do to spend it with my son
(No)

Where did you go?
Are you alone?
How did you get there?
I need you at home
Where did you go?
Are you alone?
How did you get there?
I need you at home

I need you at home