Only Human

(album: All Love Lost - 2015)

[Child's voice:]
Mic check, mic check
One two, one two
New Joe Budden!

Uhh
Please somebody help my soul [x4]
Talk to 'em (talk to 'em)

I let the Man have a talk with the beast in me
I'm holding onto my last bit of decency
I need a vacay, a change of scenery
But mama said wherever I'mma go, I'm taking me with me
I told her shit is on my mind and it's been eating me
She got me pissing in a cup, she don't believe in me
It's not the drugs that got me out of my zone
Going days without eating, in a crowd I feel alone, mama
Then she ask why it seems I never sleep at night
I told her when I close my eyes my brain just keeps the fight
She said my friends wanna have an intervention with me
I speak to niggas daily, that was never mentioned to me
She told me there's a higher power and a lower power
And that I'll die if I don't find the strength to overpower
Then I replied, "well aren't we all"?
She said "yeah, but that should be on God's terms, not yours"

[Hook Emanny:]
My every thought is scary
And it makes it hard to breathe again
Like I'm blinded while I'm staring in the mirror
Asking God to help me see again, please help me
But He tells me I'm only human
And that I'll be back on my feet again, please help me
But they act like I'm more than human
I prove them wrong again
Don't fault me I'm only human

Trying to weather the storm
I thought that black cloud was gone
It's been beside me all along, not the song
I wanna sit in silence, don't speak for a minute
Tired of being strong, please let me be weak for a minute
Kinda thought that my disease tried to kill your man first
It was easy to get my hands on 30 milligram Percs, worse
Can't be depression, couldn't have it this long
So many secrets I only told through a glass of Patron, my nigga
Speaking of secrets, that's when I got the Kaylin text
Read it and cried, couldn't believe what she was saying next
She said "you're going through a lot
I'm hoping you ain't in the grave and dead
Cause not too many people know your brain's a mess"
Who knew that she was keeping track of it all?
I wrote back "lol" but wasn't laughing at all
I ain't tell her just the other day that that gun was in my lap
Pen and pad in my hand, and I was writing a note
Didn't get far, as soon as I wrote down "mom" I just stopped
Couldn't lie to her, couldn't figure out how to say bye to her
Couldn't explain the "why" to her
Couldn't picture her getting a call or somebody saying her son had died to her
And shortly after that my pastor called
Which at first I kinda thought it was weird
But that convo preserved me, 'bout God's grace and mercy
He ain't even say goodbye, he said "let us pray"
And then he went into a prayer, gripped the phone, closed my eyes
Just so happy he appeared nigga shed another tear
Maybe he could sense that something had the god devoured
Just thankful he shed some light upon my darkest hour
All my thoughts are corrupt, this shit is whack
If everybody calls you a duck, will you just quack?
Guess a part of me really gives a fuck, way in the back
Cause when I had that burner ready to bust, I didn't clap
Joe

[Hook]

Guess I'm insanity's definition
Trying to step over in sanity's repetition
But I can't it got me tripping
Whatever love we had was dead that night
Looking back, we both needed cooler heads that night
Was going off no sleep, eyes red that night
While you was drunk texting me, I hope I read that right
You was beefing bout Giselle, beefing bout Alexa
Suddenly you was jealous, must've thought that I had sexed her
I was laughing, thought it was funny
Giselle's the homie, Alexa's twenty
With hip withdrawals
Nothing bout your story shoulda been sticking at all
I wouldn't dick her at all
I'm guessing, maybe you were insecure and never knew me
Was there for four months, yet you said this was a new me
In your head, guess the answer to this jealousy
Was to turn around and try to make me jealous, B
But the part that you neglect
Was never mind jealousy, this was 'bout respect
Y'all Instagramming pictures, trying to get me upset
You turned that into a night we both would never forget
We both said some things we both probably regret
You was lying to my face and them dots didn't connect, but cool
Only picked you up to try and talk sense into you
Now I'm fucking homeboy up, just off the principle
I guess he caught him self antagonizing me
But he's a young nigga, that's no surprising me
Shit I done fucked some of the baddest hoes
I left shorty weeks ago, you can have this ho
I guess the part where I lose
Is now they got my face plastered all over the news, I'm being falsely accused
And I don't understand, was this all part of a plan?
I guess I'll tell the whole truth when on the stand
How you go and tell the cops I had guns in my house?
Now they got a search warrant, just to come to my house
Question: were your feelings worth taking my tomorrow's, kid?
And you know Jersey gun laws, I'm talking hollow tips
So you can tell them niggas you roll with whatever you want
But you and I know what's going on
Nigga that whole night just replays in my mind
Your face is fine, this is a big waste of time
Let's get back to that jealousy
Now you got a nigga facing three felonies
All for what, cause we were no longer dealing
You attack me, but I'm the villain, over a fucking iPhone and feelings
Check, you never see me act like a jerk
I know women will provoke you and get mad when it works
Rather reserved and that always makes matters the worst
Cause I go on about my business and not act like it hurts, but wait
So now the whole world is watching me get burned here
Which is fine, there's a lesson to be learned here
Which is only fuck with strippers and the bartenders
Anytime there's a pole in the bar centered
So even though it's from afar now
I still wish you the best, I know your heart's tender
I'm sorry all, I just got my own scars to tend to
Signing off, truly yours, with love, God's sinner

[Hook x2]