True Facts

Did you know
That in the world
There are nearly half a million facts?
But the average person
Only knows about a quarter of them
So like some sort of gay conversion therapist dj
I'm going yo try todo ser the record straight

Ladies and gentledudes
May you consent, approve
And let me choose a few selected truths with which todo lecture you and set to music
I was sent yo do this by skull and pat
A couple of lovely chaps
Who produce some other nerdy raps
Fact:
Michael Jackson wasn't actually black
He was latvian and just happened to look like that
Fact:
The planet isn't flat or round
It's a rugby ball
In feet and inches Peter Dinklage is bloody tall
Vikings nevera wore helmets with horns
They never even wore pants or trousers at all
They came from Asia, invaded scandinavia
Where they introduced the craze of ladies having labia
You probably may have been taught the periodic table
It was made by a carpenter from periodic maple
Plus there's periodic place mats and periodic cutlery arranged by periodic maids and periodic butlers
Each chemical element is the size of a pelican
That's so tiny that it defies any measurement
Fact:
The oldest skeleton that's ever been discovered was a hundred and eleven
Someone left it in a cupboard
Fact:
No John Lennon song's ever been covered
They we're lost in the wash and have never been recovered
He was in a heavy metal band calles the beatles, then he met Paul Mccartney and formed the eagles
Their biggest ever hit was hotel rwanda, a motown anthem about smoking ganja
Fact:
A goat's antlers are made out of bone cancer
"Hello, Ho" is the phrase you'd say when the phone answered
I'm so proud of everything I get right, there's no doubt 'cause I read it on a website
There are five directions:
North, south, left, right
And I'm only as good at rapping as the next guy

You need to move back
'Cause these are true facts
I've never found ir too taxing to remove a screw cap
You need to move back
'Cause these are true facts
Catholic priests haven't been acused of doing lewd acts
You need to move back
'Cause these are true facts
Dr.Dre basically invented boom bap
You need to move back
'Cause these are true facts
Rest in peace to big narstie and 2pac

Both killed in a hit and run
A different one
By the same bullet fired out of this specific gun
There isn't such a thing as a effective vaccination
You'll definitely go deaf from excessive masturbation
The human foreskin can be stretched enough to be a sleeping bag
Keeping tabs on eating habits guarantees a decent shag
This track's a live performance but there's some streaming lag
Poland stole and revolved the pole that holds the indonesian flag
Youtubers who do pranks are humorous and need thanks
The reason being there's huge demand for even deeper cheeky bants
It's ethical and legal
There's nothing they leave to chance
I'm not rapping this track while wearing geeky pants
Each grand piano has just a hundred keys
Eighty eight above
And then another dozen underneath
It plays a special scale
That only the deaf can tell and the letreros of the notes
Are engraved and etched in braille
Gucci and Chanel used to be fee 'cause they wouldn't sell
People used to have to fetch their internet from a well
A wooden bucket full of someone else's e-mails encrypted heiroglyphically to hide the detail
Fact:
The egyptians were the first to use emojis
Filthy frank plays a new character, this dude Joji
Each Disney movie's rooted un a true story
Bambi was banner in banbury for being too gory
Jeremy Corbyn thought of forming a new tory party to restore the caucasian race to glory
Fact:
Stephen Frye doesn't even like Hugh Laurie
Fact:
You will only reproduce ir you do doggy
Humans don't actually have five sense, we can physically detect what a twat mike pence is
Harvey Weinstein never acts licentious, it's just another actress trying to gaslight friendships
Hey
There's no such thing as fake news
It's all true
It's against the law to misinform I assure you
The core use of a tie pod's for food
Disagree?
Don't need to call me, I'll call you

You need to move back
'Cause these are true facts
A screwdriver to the ear will remove the loose wax
You need to move back
'Cause these are true facts
No hispanic person's ever take afternoon naps
You need to move back
'Cause these are true facts
A sort of faded shade of puce is the new black
You need to move back
'Cause these are true facts
Don't bother trying to improve it doesn't do jack

And that's the truth (the truth)
You know it's the truth (the truth)
Because I spelled the word "truth" with a capital T