Letter To My Father

(album: No Complaints - 2012)

Drinking by my lonesome, not sure who to call
Everybody only see the outside, think I ball
But they don't really know me at all
Never walked in my shoes, never saw what I saw

I rap at late nights
I'm writing letters to my father he ain't ever finna read
I'm picturing my life, flowering as a seed
And wondering 'bout his thoughts on the day I was conceived
Life: it deceive, shit, I was taught that it would be alright
Now that doesn't correspond with what I see at night
Uh, things turned sour on that day in April
Damn near tried to hang myself with cables
In the garage, look, life: it get hard
If you think I'm any different 'cause they view me as a star
Well then you are just far from the truth
Lost my father at 16
Mother worried 'bout landowners evicting
Boy it gets sickening, kinfolk dying
Every day up on the big screen and all I got is big dreams
All for that money people would switch teams
And I would give it all to take your name from that obituary listing
Are you listening?
'Cause I be yelling at the sky like, "Do you miss me, Pops?"
'Cause I think about you every day
I never got to say goodbye, I want that shit in every way
Every day I roll, learn to toast in your honor
It's awful hard to be a man when you don't got yourself a father
But I carry on, just hoping that I make you proud
And fuck my opposition out here trying to take me out
They just don't know
They just don't know

I rap at late nights
Still writing letters to my father he ain't ever finna read
Concealed from the outside, pain on the inside
They ask 'bout my coping skills, lately I been high
I swear I got a couple of pills with me
Couple of home boys that say they kill with me
An angel was on my shoulder
I don't think it's still with me
Seem like the devil prevailed
Is that the story every bezel entail?
I swear I got myself a fan base that love my life
Think I'm doing something right
So they run up with they home boys and they freestyle, like that's fucking tight
Meanwhile I've been dealing with the depression
I can't escape if I don't have progression
Swear I need a session like every night, it's like a fix to me
You left your emotions at home and now they stick to me
Shit, and that's a heavy weight to hold on
Never did learn how to swim, how should I float on?
Never had no option to give or get my vote on
You just packed your shit up and left and that was so long
Ago, but I feel like it was yesterday
I ain't seen my heart ever since, put my chest away
'Cause this here today and it's gone tomorrow
Wish there was more time that I could borrow
It's gone tomorrow
Wish there was more time that I could borrow

I write this song in remembrance of my father that passed 'way on April 20th of 2009
It was probably a regular day to most of y'all
But it's the day I lost my best friend, my mentor, my father And it's crazy, the type of criticism and just descending you could receive from a large portion of people that have never met me and never been through anything that I've been through
And that's why my father, he used to keep me real level headed
And just tell me to do my own thing and not worry 'bout all the excess and the...
There's always gonna be hatred from all sides
But you know at the end of the day they just, they don't know