I Can Do Without You

(album: Calamity Jane - 1953)

[DORIS:]
In the Summer you're the Winter
In the finger you're the splinter
In the banquet you're the stew
Say, I could do without you

[HOWARD:]
In the garden you're the gopher
In the Levi's you're the loafer
Like an overturned canoe
Well, I could do without you

[DORIS:]
You can go to Philadelphia
Take a hack to Hackensack
Hey, I'll never ring a bell fer yer
Or yell fer yer to come back

[HOWARD:]
In the question you're the why
In the ointment you're the fly
DORIS:
Though I know some things are indefensible
Like a buck or two
If there's one thing I can do without
I can do without you

[HOWARD:]
In the barrel you're a pickle
In the goldmine you're a nickel
You're the tack inside my shoe
Yes, I can do without you

[DORIS:]
In my bosom you're a dagger
You're a mangy carpetbagger
In the theatre you're the 'boo'
I can do without you

[HOWARD:]
You got charms, they ain't bewitching me
You've a face no one would paint
DORIS:
I got the darndest itch in me
To be wherever you ain't

[HOWARD:]
In the bullfrog you're the croak
[DORIS:]
In the forest, poison oak
[HOWARD:]
Though I know somethings are necessary
My half-pint buckaroo
If there's one thing I can do without
I can do without.....
[DORIS:]
You're a knothead!
[HOWARD:]
You're a faker!
[DORIS:]
You're a bonehead!
[HOWARD:]
Troublemaker!
[BOTH:]
I can do without you!