PC Honey

(album: Apples - 1989)

I'm only nineteen, I'm a little bit green
I've yet to be corrupted by the frightful things I've seen
With my measure pace and my bright young face
I only want to make the world a safer place

PC Honey to the rescue
PC Honey's up the drainpipe
PC Honey's on the zebra
PC Honey's on patrol

I've done the course and I've joined the Force
I'm a brave upstanding Bobby full of keen resource
Make me use my feet, keep me on the street
So I know everybody up and down my beat

PC Honey to the rescue
PC Honey's up the drainpipe
PC Honey's on the zebra
PC Honey's on patrol

Once we've lost contact with Mr. Plod
Thus the trouble taketh root
In the very streets they should have trod
In his size eleven boots

As you steal or poach, beware my soft approach
With nothing but a truncheon and a talking brooch
I'm a figure of fun who doesn't need a gun
And you're going round the nick my son!

PC Honey to the rescue
PC Honey's up the drainpipe
PC Honey's on the zebra
PC Honey's on patrol