Suicide Hotline

(album: Hell's Pit - 2004)

[Gunshot]
[Operator:] Suicide Hotline, may I help you?
[Violent J:] Yeah... Uhh... Well I'm about to fucking kill myself...
[Operator:] Listen you don't want to do that, OK? You don't want to do that.
[Violent J:] I'm gonna... eh... There's so many fucking reasons why I don't even need to be here anymore.
[Operator:] There's no reason
[Violent J:] I'm gonna put a slug in my fucking head!
[Operator:] You don't want to do that, you want to be here on Earth, OK?
[Violent J:] Fuck that shit man! I got a gun right now.
[Operator:] Put it away
[Violent J:] ...and I got it right under my chin, man, fuck that!
[Operator:] Take it away from your chin.
[Violent J:] I'm gonna blow my head all over the fucking ceiling
[Operator:] No you're not, OK?
[Violent J:] Fuck this shit man...
[Operator:] Just talk to me, OK?

It ain't no point to me waking up,
Everybody's time I'm taking up,
I got nobody, it ain't a shoulder near,
I can't stay here & it's colder there,
I don't wanna look back 'cause it's gonna hurt,
I slice my wrist & it's gonna squirt,
For me everybody holds a hate,
I get backstabbed & everybody holds the stake,
It's no roads to take, I'm in a circle drive,
Busting at myself & I'm trying to survive,
I'll disappoint you, & I will let you down,
And I ain't got many home boys coming around,
You don't understand, so don't say you do,
I swear I'll put a motherfucking slug in you,
I'm the only one,
The lonely one,
At home alone loading a gun, thinking "Why not?"

"Why not? Why would you wanna die?
Okay, you have feelings inside your head, okay?
I understand that feelings lead to depression
When you have depression, you have a lonely void inside of your heart, okay?
And your heart means everything to the world, okay?"

I got court coming up, I stole a truck.
I got a bitch pregnant & I'm broke as fuck,
I wanna get high but I got piss test,
I'm always first name on top of the shit list,
Get this, the witch has made my chest
It's permanent nightly visiting nest,
It ain't no clothes that I look good in,
I'm the motherfucking big red train that couldn't,
I got no family, I stole they shit,
Restraining orders & I still won't quit,
I hit rock bottom & then I fell in a hole
And then I fell through the floor of that hole some more,
I been missing for a year, nobody's looking,
I got beat down & my shit tooken,
I look ahead & all I see is more of the same,
Or this self-inflicted bullet hole pouring my brain

"Ooooooookay, I understand that you're in pain, okay?
I understand everything you're going through
I've been there myself, okay?
Now, your pain is my pain,
Alright? And I feel your pain, and I wanna be your friend
Just me and you, friends"

I dream about cutting heads off with a shovel,
The dreams are getting serious, think I'm in trouble,
I don't hold memory for more than an hour,
I'm tired as fuck & I'm drained of power,
I ain't half way there & I'm all out of time,
I'm like a crushed light bulb, all out of shine,
I've been around the world but no place is home,
I wanna see the other side when I face this chrome,
I'm butt naked, I've been jacking off, getting drunk,
It's my last hours alive, who gives a fuck?
It don't matter,
I'm doing the shit in the garage,
Trying to make it easier for them to clean my head splaage,
This bitch I loved, I hope she finds me,
Still up in the chair with my thoughts behind me
I'm about to do it,
[Beep]
Can you hold for a second?

[Operator:] Wait a min!

[Violent J:] Hello?
[Girl:] Hey what's up?
[Violent J:] Where you at?
[Girl:] Right down the street?
[Violent J:] With who?
[Girl:] My girl Shannon, we were wondering if we could stop by
[Violent J:] Well shit yeah... com'on... bye
[Girl:] Really?
[Violent J:] Yeah hey...
[Girl:] I know bring some blunts
[Violent J:] Uh huh, alright, bye

[Priest leading in "Lord's Prayer":]
So we pray, our father Lord be together.
Amen.