The Testimony Of Soddy Hoe

(album: Dixie Dreams - 1981)

Howdy my name's Soddy
Soddy Hoe
And you know I heard all my life, that if you wanna be on a record
You gotta write songs about that touch people
And I would like to try to touch you with a song I wrote called
The Testimony of Soddy Hoe, also known as Ain't Nobody Never Told Me Nothing
Goes like this!

One day my truck ran out of gas on route one
And I was thumbing into town, gone get me some
When these three dudes in this big black car pull over to the side
They said "Hey boy, come on over here and let's talk!"
Said now, "Look, if you goin to town, that's an awful long walk but if you don't mind driving, I'm a little tied, I'll give ya a ride"
I said, "Fine"
He said, "Well if you've got a driving license, what's your name?"
I said, "Boss I ain't got no license, Soddy's my name. But I'll sure drive the hell outta this thang!"
Heheh, so I got in, the offers paid
We was riding along, I said, "What kind of work y'all in?"
The dude in the back called Lefty just grinned
Then he looked at them other two dudes and he said

Ain't nobody ever told me nothing
That they didn't want me to know
All anybody ever told me was where to go
Lord, ain't nobody so much as give me
The time of day
They never told me nothing
So I ain't got nothin to say

Now folks ya see
Soddy's fixin to get in a heap of trouble, ya see
Cuz when we got to town, I told em thanks
They said, "Well look, we got a business deal here at the bank
Why don't you sit out in the car and watch it for us? And when we finish, we'll buy you a beer!"
I said, "Fine"
So I was sitting there pickin my teeth
And I seen that gas station over across the street
And I thought, well shoot, while they're in the bank I'll just go get some gas for my truck while I'm here
So I did
And I was on the self service island, pumping some gas in a can
When this great big cop come up a-screaming at everybody waving his hands
He said, "Everybody! Stay where you are
That black vehicle, is a stolen car!"
"Is that yours boy?"
I said
"No's officer, I'm just putting gas in this can"

Nobody ever told me nothing
That they didn't want me to know
All anybody ever told me was where to go
Lord, ain't nobody so much as give me
The time of day
They never told me nothing
So I ain't got nothin to say

Heheheh, yeah see
Soddy may be dumb like a box of rocks
But he know that police ain't gone buy none of this
See, but before Soddy even had time to think
When the burglar alarm went off over at the bank
Well here come them dudes running out
With their arms loaded full-a money
Brandishing guns!
Well, they looked for the car
And then they looked for me
Well they didn't see neither one of us where we supposed to be
Well son!
You should-a seen the look on they faces when they didn't have nowhere to run!
Why they was a-screaming
They was a-hollering
Jumping up and down
And the money was spilling all over on the ground
About that time, me and that officer walked over there on the scene
Well the dude called Lefty
He pulls me over to the side and he says
"Where did ya put the damn car, knucklehead!"
I done looked at Lefty and I said
"Brother, what'd ya mean?"

Ain't nobody ever told me nothing
That they didn't want me to know
All anybody ever told me was where to go
Ain't nobody so much as give me
The time of day
They never told me nothing
So I ain't got nothin to say

They said
"Hey Lefty I know where you're going when you leave here brother!"
"And I know where ole Soddy's going too!"
"And if I had my brother, brother! I'd rather be going with Soddy, than goin with you!"
"How's that for bein ignorant, hmm? Huh!"
"I may be ignorant Lefty! But I ain't going to jail!"

"Hey brother! You over there with the pick-up truck! Yea, you goin out toward highway one? I need a lift, I got this gas can, yeah it's heavy, I said I can't carry, I need a ride! Well let me tell you where stick your pick-up truck brother! And while you're at it, why don't you accompany that with that automatic gear shift!"
"How you like that hello? Get off my foot Lefty"
"Officer, will you give me a lift back to the highway? Yea, well let me tell you where to stick that patrol car officer!"