First Keg Stand

(album: Country Boy's Paradise - 2011)

My first keg stand, didn't go like I planned, to say I did well would be a lie (Be a lie)
Oh my first keg stand, I did all I can, it almost brought a tear to my eye

Well I went out to my buddy Bill's
And he had a party in the back of a field
When I got there he was by a fire
And he had a whole keg of PBR
Now that there ain't my beer of choice
But when I saw that keg my lips got moist
And I thought I had me a good ole plan
I was gon' try my first keg stand

Look at this man, you think you can do this?
That's a bad idea man, a bad idea
Can y'all get him?
Please, you may wanna first check his ID

My first keg stand, didn't go like I planned, to say I did well would be a lie (Be a lie)
Oh my first keg stand, I did all I can, it almost brought a tear to my eye

They lifted me up, and I grabbed the hose
And before I knew it beer was in my nose
And I had done soaked people from behind
They put me down without a second chance
And it looked like I'd peed my pants
And the dude told me I needed to go to the back of the line

What you say to me?
No man I ain't worried about him
(Unintelligible) pretty big fella, ain't he?

I went to the back and I waiting my turn
And the feeling hit me and it started to burn
And I knew I had to give it one more shot
Then the girl in front stepped right up
And she must've weighed 350 plus (Oh)
And I'm telling all y'all old Bertha didn't spill a drop

Who is he talking about?
See, see, that's why you looking at me like. eh
You don't know Bertha, she from way back in the woods
She been drinking since drinking since drinking

My first keg stand, didn't go like I planned, to say I did well would be a lie (Be a lie)
Oh my first keg stand, I did all I can, it almost brought a tear to my eye

It's my turn again, and I have no fear
Ain't nothing better than an ice cold beer
And I can't (Uh-uh) stand losing, let me make that clear (Woo)
I was up so long I was turning red
And all my blood rushed to my head
But I was hanging on for (Yeah) dear life like a leech
They put me down and called out my time
And it was one minute and thirty-five
And then they wanted me to say a speech
So I said (Say a speech)

My first keg stand, didn't go like I planned, to say I did well would be a lie (Be a lie)
But on my second keg stand, I did all I can, and I beat every man in here tonight (Here tonight)

Dang sure did, he didn't beat Old Bertha though
I give it to him man
I ain't seen nobody beat her in years now
He showed out
Good job though