May 10th, 2012

(album: Searching Sylvan - 2014)

Thursday morning tripping like what the fuck am I missing
Got boxes across the room my girl is calling constant
My mamma speaking nonsense like you should just let your father hold your car until he comes back
Can't fade, stressed out
All along saw this shit coming like fortune tellers eviction notices served
Every time I told my father felt like it got on his nerves like
Don't trip, promise I got it under control, I got some money coming
You know, typical bullshit
Kassandra's wondering if my phone is missing or tripping 12 missed calls
Don't wanna talk or bother to listen hold emotions in
Focusing on a proper position I just got fired from work and my tape ain't doing the digits, fuck
Chance The Rapper dropped 10 Day & did twice my shit
My jealousy has been enraged gotta fight that shit
A struggle rapper trying to find a way
But gotta pack his bags before its 12 and cops'll come invade what you doing QuESt
21 and fucking up you bout to push it back to mommas nigga what the fuck is up
Rap ain't doing quite the numbers that you once was throwing up
You made mistakes that cost you dearly clearly you ain't know enough
Christopher Martin inside the speakers racing with time
Father asking what's wrong, nigga fuck is you blind?
You don't see the disappointment you ignoring the signs
How you broke another promise for the millionth time
A year ago was on my own, had a new apartment working two jobs independent grinding, you was locked up
Provided you a place to stay a total lack of privacy
Bit my tongue out of love and never told what was inside of me
I left that, we got a place you told me that I got you
Just work on music let me pay the bills Let me try to be the father that I couldn't be
Gave you a chance, fast forward 6 months and we doing the same dance
Staring at me with the eyes of a broken soul in his 50's
Tears streaming down on your cheek
Hugging me closely like son just give me a week and we'll be back on our feet
The taste of the defeat, denial in its highest of peak
Faking a smile to keep a distant composure gave em my keys and walked away knowing that the damage ain't over
My girl pulled up in her Scion, helped me put my shit in the trunk
Hugged and kissed me right on the cheek as I hopped in the front

[Kassandra:] Okay, you got everything?
[QuESt:] Yeah, I uh, I got everything
[Kassandra:]
Listen, its bad right now but it will all be fine
And if you need anything, just let me, and it will
All be okay. I Promise

Messages on my phone from my mother like hurry got work tomorrow and please don't waken your brother my lord
I thought I got away from all of this ran away from my issues I need a fucking psychologist man
Everything is moving backwards, a cycle full of failures Reenacted
My girl driving trying to tell me this is for the best just relax if you need some space I can scoop you anytime such a good girl
I wonder how I got her in the first place keep me calm through these earthquakes swear I can feel the earth shake
Its 1AM and I'm regretting every life decision, wishing I could go back and follow my intuition
And stop talking at the times when I should have just listened
Maybe then I wouldn't be in this fatal position
Slightly religious probably should have been a better christian
Looking for answers and feeling like I already missed em
And I ain't trying to go back, ugh
But I gotta go back, ugh
Shits never would it should be even fucked up mamma cutting no slack ugh
So many years on my own I struggled and fought it did the opposite of easy made simple movements retarded
Life did a 360, past has departed
I swear you know its real when you end up back where you started

[Kassandra:] Text me as soon as you get inside. Ok
[QuESt:] I will, I'll hit you up and let you what's going on
[Kassandra:] Alright
[QuESt:] I love you
[Kassandra:] I love you too