Downturn

(album: Taking Up Space - 2020)

Back to the wall and the ceilings falling
I wanna leave but the car keeps stalling
I hear your screams, I hear it all
I heard the first time that you called
Be a liar I deserve
To clip my wings and fall to earth
I hope I fall from high enough that I can burn and burn and burn
I've spent so long amongst the soil
Watch you smoking pills of foil
How the hell did we get here we used to be so clear of mind?
Block your number, keep you distant
I spare the rod and stay consistent
Spoiled all our plans the second I said "let's just go get high"

Went and ruined my whole life
Went and ruined my best friend
Fucking wasted all my time
Then I went and ruined everything again

So I try not to think about it these days
Staying high, getting by, tryna get paid
Trying not to scream but I'm in pain
Trying not to think of death as an embrace
Try to think of anything but your face
And the hurt when you heard you're being replaced
Feels like I might pop from the pressure
Got drunk, made a call, hung up, thought better
I've spent so long beneath the mire
Left the frying pan for fire
How the hell did we get here?
I used to care about it all
Now we hurt so fucking much
Break my heart and split my Dutch
Pack it tight and pray to God that we can make it through the fall

Went and ruined my whole life
Went and ruined my best friend
Fucking wasted all my time and
Then I went and ruined everything again

I sat in the back seat of a broken down Taurus
High as fuck and sad that life was over
I used your words against you
I used your dreams against you
And what did I gain?
Did I gain clarity?
Or peace?
Or understanding?
Or did I just convince myself that you were the root of all my problems?
But in the end I've always known I'm broken
And I probably won't improve
But hey, here's to hoping
Maybe one day we can grow
One day I might not feel alone
One day I might not feel I'm taking up space
And finally feel at home
(Finally feel at home)
When I'm chalked out on the asphalt
Let me go

Went and ruined my whole life
Went and ruined my best friend
Fucking wasted all my time
Then I went and ruined everything again