Bad Bad Daddy

(album: The Family Sign - 2011)

You can find me over there at the bar
You ain't even gotta ask I don't know where they are
I'm a bad bad daddy, I'm a bad bad daddy
And I'm nasty
And I still ain't callin it quits
But Sean, what the fucks wrong with all of your kids
I'm a bad bad daddy I'm a bad bad daddy

Sittin at the bar just minding my biz
I came down with all nine of my kids
And they all got an attitude
Mad cause I said we can't go to the zoo
It's not a lie but daddys too high If I drive
I will probably catch a DUI
Here, play with this pitcher of beer
Sit in their chairs, and don't disappear
Everybody on your best behavior
Tip the waitress, respect your neighbors
I'll be watchin you know what not to do
Don't make me walk over here just to talk to you
I gave em all some money so they could play pinball
And put grub in they tummies
Now I'mma go get bombed
And you better not tell your mom
And like clockwork, soon as I stepped away
You know they got worse, they didn't hesitate
Of course they start with the horseplay
And then it escalates, then you get a court case
Little Sluggos, thugs and cutthroats, big trouble
Cigarettes, puff those, smash bottles on the floor
And writing graffiti, fighting with the door man
Playin with switchblades and matches
Pick pocketin the cash and the plastic
Gettin high out back by the trashcans
Tryin to get the waitress to give a lapdance
I can't control 'em so I'mma pretend I don't know 'em
Now let me celebrate and get drunk
Cause my wife missed her period again this month

Somebody slap me