Jazz No Children

Okay, here, just in case, in case the evil hand of the editor has come and you didn't get to hear what we are calling "Jazz No Children"
We were like, riffing on the many ways you might play it, uh
It's kinda got a 70s, like, album rock vibe to that progression there, kind of, uh, almost, almost a Jeff Beck kinda thing, like, you know, like, wired, you know like
I cannot play like Jeff Beck, I can't even attach a capo to a guitar well, I'm doing my best, hahaha, this is not gonna happen
Ba-ba-ba-pa
This is a song that people play in their cars outside the courthouse when they finally get their walking papers
I'm proud that we have a song that serves that function, because people don't usually focus on that for songs
'Cause people, especially now, in the era of whoa-whoa indie, man, people are not writing a song like, "Whoa, whoa, I got my divorce"
They don't do that, that's our job
1, 2, 3, and

I hope that our few remaining friends
Give up on trying to save us
I hope we come up with a fail-safe plot
To piss off the dumb few that forgave us
I hope the fences we mended
Fall down beneath their own weight
And I hope we hang on past the last exit
I hope it's already too late

And I hope the junkyard a few blocks from here
Someday burns down
And I hope the rising black smoke carries me far away
And I never come back to this town again

In my life, I hope I lie
And tell everyone you were a good wife
And I hope you die
I hope we both die

I hope I cut myself shaving tomorrow
I hope it bleeds all day long
Our friends say it's darkest before the sun rises
Buddy, we're pretty sure they're all wrong

I hope it stays dark forever
I hope the worst isn't over
I hope you blink before I do
And I hope I never get sober

And I hope when you think of me years down the line
You can't find one good thing to say
And I'd hope that if I found the strength to walk out
You'd stay the hell out of my way

I am drowning
There is no sign of land
You are coming down with me
Coming all the way down, hand in unlovable hand
And I hope you die
I hope we both die

That feels so good, it feels really good
Yeah, what I was thinking about is, you know, Coronavirus has changed so much of our lives
The coronavirus has changed a lot
It's made it so that, you know, we can't do what we do, but, and for a lot of people it's the same thing
But you know what people still do, even during coronavirus times? They get divorced, hahaha, they still get divorced
I bet they're getting more divorced, this is a thing that I think a lot of people thought, that like, you know, that
I've heard stories of this, I actually know some people who got divorced during this time in their life, I think if, you know, if one of the things making your marriage easier
Is that for 8 hours a day, neither one of you is in the house and you're out in the world, you know, getting your needs met and stuff, well, you know
Close quarters are pretty hard for bad relationships
And it's, uh, this is actually, this is, uh, you'll see the ad at the end is like, we're starting, actually, a counseling line, Peter and I
Um, so you'll be able to call in and say, "Hey, I'm thinking about getting a divorce," we'll go, "Do it, do it right now" hahaha
What are you talking to me for? Like every call, the best advice that I'll ever