Sid & Alex

(album: Shhh...Don't Tell - 2004)

[telephone rings]

I'll be up in a few! Hello?

Hey, Sid, it's Alex. Just callin to wish ya a happy birthday, man.

Alex, Alex, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you
for remembering, thank you.

My pleasure. Did you do anything fun today?

Nothing special. Amy made lasagna, we had cake, the kids
gave me a tie and some socks, terrific.

That's awesome, man. Hey, I got a gift comin your way too. I
Fedex'ed it so you should probly get it tomorrow.

[Gasp] Thank you, thank you, Alex, thank you. What is it?

It's pretty cool. You'll see tomorrow.

Aww, come on, give me a hint at least. Can I ride it? Can
I eat it?

Nope.

Can I fuck it?

Ahaha, no.

Can it fuck me?

No.

Is it hairy? Is it something I can shave?

No.

Can it blow me?

No....

Is it something I can blow?

No...

Can I fuck it?

You already asked me that...

If I take it apart, are there individual parts that I can fuck?

I don't think so...

Fair enough... If I sit on it for a while, will I cum?

Noooo....

Is it something Amy can strap on and fuck me with?

Sid! No!

If I get jizz all over it, will it be ruined?

I think...

Does it sweat?

Noo...

Is it something that can be used like... a pussy?

That's just another way of asking if you can fuck it...

My bad... Does it get big if you touch it?

No...

Does it get hard if you touch it?

Nooo...

If my Amy catches me blowing it, will she be mad?

Look, you can't blow it, man, we already talked about that...

Right, okay... let's say I'm stranded on a desert island with
just this item... am I getting a rim job?

NO!

Can I fuck it?

NO, it's a toaster, man, just a toaster!

Oh! So I can fuck it? In fact, two people can fuck it at the
same time! Alex, ya wanna come over and fuck my toaster
this weekend?

Don't mind if i doo doo....

Hahaha, oh, Alex

Hahaha, oh, Sid...