Rejected Kongs: A New DK Rap

(album: Random Encounters: Season 12 - 2022)

Well, the gang's all here
That you never knew:
It's the REject Kongs
Of the DK Crew!

You knew Donkey and Diddy
And quite a few more
But ya ain't never heard
Of these apes before!

Re-jects!
Rejected Kongs!
Re-jects!
Reject Kongs like these!

He's the Kong whose kongcave
Kongstantly itches!
He's wearing a pair
Of big tears in his britches!

The moment he wakes, he
Can tell that he's flaky
An hour in the shower
Aids his exfoliating!

The patches of rashes
That he's actually scratching
Need a cortisone cream
If he hopes to dispatch 'em!

This ape keeps scraping
Till he's way over all of this
Can someone recommend him
A good dermatologist?

IT-CHY!
ITCHY KONG!
IT-CHY!
IT-CHY TO THE MAX!

She's a covetous Kong
And she can't have enough
She's here to help herself
To a bunch of your stuff!

She's been banned from Bevmo
For committing crimes
She's been sentenced to jail
About eleven times!

She's got sticky fingers
She can cop cans of pop with
And she'll pilfer your silver
While she's trying to shoplift!

She's a kleptoKong oh
She's taking our bongos!
She'll make off with more
Depending how long the song goes

GRAB-BY!
GRAB-BY KONG!
GRAB-BY!
GRAB-BY STOLE OUR HEARTS!

He has no friends
Cause they won't take his crap
They know this ape goes ape because
He's eager to slap!

He'll smack his mom!
He'll swat a baby!
He'll take his palm
To a pack of old ladies!

Putting prints on your cheek
Is his unholy pleasure
Spitting quick-fire cuffs
In incalculable measure

So brace your face
Whether ready or not, because
Slapping makes him happy
And he's happy a lot...

SLAP-PY!
SLAP-PY KONG!
SLAP-PY!
SLAPPY'S THROWIN' DOWN!

She's the drunk of the bunch!
And her one notoriety
Is Tipsy can't keep
A full day of sobriety

This Kong smells strong!
Foul, fermenting urine's
An olfactory attack
When she's in the room you're in!

She can't walk a line
She's perpetually wasted
And the fruit of the vine's
All this wino has tasted!

Barfing on the carpet
Like a rum-imbibing bum there!
Cracking in a keg cause
It's 5 o'clock somewhere!

TIP-SY!
TIP-SY KONG!
TIP-SY!
TIPSY'S ON THE LOOSE!

He's the leader of the pack
Since he sacked the Jin Dynasty!
A plan that began
Killing clans by the China Sea!

The Kongs won't talk
Of this warmongering Mongol
Who killed several mil
In ways decidedly wrongful

This nomadic madman
Committed atrocities
Wiped Wuhai off the map
With a frightening ferocity!

This Mongol monstrosity
Mangled most of Asia
Yeah, your Great Wall was great
But Genghis Kong's gone and played ya!

GEN-GHIS!
GENGHIS KONG!
GEN-GHIS!
GENGHIS KONG FOR LIFE!

He's the awkward twig
Of the Kong family tree
Someone give him a sock
So he can finally be free

In the wizarding world
He's kongsidered a peon!
A gangsta little pranksta
Who's been stepped on for eons!

He's pals with Potter
And Hermione Granger
Till he's brutally killed
By Belatrix LeStrange!

Sure, his fashion is lackin
But this sack-clad sensation
Is the poster-child house elf
Of Self-flagellation!

DOB-BY!
DOBBY KONG!
DOB-BY!
DOBBY'S IN THE HOUSE!