Insomnia (Bonus Track)

(album: Demos (Do Not Share), Vol. II - 2020)

What is it all for?
I've asked myself that question so many times now
It's become more worn than my Reebok classics
I'm a slave to frivolous habits
Of introspection with out any destination
Ruminating thoughts in constant rotation
Is this what it means to be conscious?
To constantly question our conscious
Despondently fall on my back horizontally
Under my bed there are monsters
They visit me when I try to sleep
They're those thoughts that play on repeat
They say Ren
You're always gonna suffer Ren
You're always gonna suffer
And I boomerang between optimism and pessimism
So much that my sanctuary could be a prison
What blinds me could give me vision
And what finds me is this indecision
Of what to do with these questions
Is there purpose?
Is there God?
And if there is God then God why?
Do I feel like this God
Are we not sculpted in your image?
And if so do you feel that pain?
Un-relinquishing pain like my brain got put under a Bunsen burner
And torched until the membranes became flame
I hate not sleeping
I like the weekend because other people don't sleep either
Mindless TV shows irritate me
But they're my messiah
Because I can become brain dead
Wasted
Lost in trails of dry saliva
But I'm a survivor, a child of destiny
But this night has been testing me
Question the mess that's progressing undressing me
Stripping me naked and stuffing the stress in me
I used to use drinking as a way to stop thinking
And my problems with drinking made me feel like I was sinking
So I dried up my drink
And then I couldn't sleep a wink
And now I'm thinking, now I'm thinking
Now I'm thinking, now I'm thinking about nothing
Fucking nothing, and everything, and nothing
I hate not sleeping
So I lie here trying to count sheep
And their bleating's repeating
My bleeding heart it is beating
And beating eaten
My sleep is depleting
Pleading for healing is fleeting
Longing for sleep that's so deepest
Peak in, I weep in the sheets
It's doubling doubley troubled
It's ugly bleak, it's so bleak, it's so bleak
And I lost my mind
On a line
I hate not sleeping
I hate not sleeping