Chili Sauce

(album: Ice Cream Castle - 1984)

[Waiter:]
Ah, good evening, Mr. Day! Two for dinner?

[Morris:]
Yes, give us one of those little sexy tables in the back

[Waiter:]
Oh, I'm sorry, sir, those are all taken!

[Morris:]
Jerome...

[Waiter:]
Urgh! I think maybe we can arrange it, Mr. Day!

[Morris:]
Thank you so much

[Sharon:]
Oh, Morris, was that necessary?

[Morris:]
Jerome...

[Sharon:]
Okay, okay, I'm sorry...

[Waiter:]
Right this way, sir!

[Morris:]
You know, this is an exciting establishment you have here

[Waiter:]
What I wouldn't give for a broken bottle...

[Morris:]
I can't hear you, what'd you say?

[Waiter:]
I said, I said, yes, we're remodeling!

[Morris:]
Mhm...

[Waiter:]
Cocktails before dinner?

[Morris:]
Yes, two Piña Coladas

[Sharon:]
Make mine a virgin

[Waiter:]
Okay, will you be having a virgin as well?

[Morris:]
Yes! For dessert! Haaa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

[Waiter:]
Sir, I'm afraid I don't get it

[Morris:]
Say, do you know how to do "The Walk"?

[Waiter:]
Why, certainly, everyone can do "The Walk"!

[Morris:]
Well, honey, why don't you just walk your ass to the other
Side of the room?

[Waiter:]
Fuck you, too... nigga!

[Morris:]
Ah my dear, it's rough at the top. Jerome? Ehem, get your pad and pencil. I think it's gonna be kinda right. If my judge of character's correct, it's gon' be by the letter tonight. Now, stop me when I get to 17. Excuse me, baby. I bet you didn't know I had a piece of this restaurant, did you? But it looks like I'm gonna have to buy the whole thing and fire that man! May I taste that? Excuse me, that's kinda weak. Here, try mine. You know...

[Sharon:]
Good God!

[Morris:]
... they say that saliva is an aphrodisiac

[Sharon:]
Excuse me

[Morris:]
You look so lovely tonight!

[Sharon:]
Why, thank you

[Morris:]
Probably even better under exotic red lights. I wish you could see my home, it's... it's so exciting. In my bedroom, I have a brass waterbed...

[Sharon:]
Really?

[Morris:]
Mhm. It's just surrounded by plants and lights and shit. And all kinds of little erotic artifacts. We could have breakfast in bed!

[Sharon:]
Oh!

[Morris:]
I, I, I have an Italian cook. Jerome Sa-Sa-Sasga-gagracci or something like that. It's funny, your eyes, when you stare at me like that... it causes my, my stomach to q-quiver. Oh Lord! Do you like diamonds?

[Sharon:]
Mm-hmm!

[Morris:]
Yeah?

[Sharon:]
Yeah!

[Morris:]
I know it's rather masculine, but try this one on

[Sharon:]
Aah!

[Morris:]
My God, darling, it fits! You must have strong hands... but they're so soft, like the oils in my morning bath. Somebody help me! Darling?

[Sharon:]
Yes?

[Morris:]
I'm not usually so forward, but... would you like to make love to me?

[Sharon:]
Hm-hmm...

[Morris:]
I, I could make it so nice! Do you know what is meant by the words, uhh... I hate to use them, they're, they're so harsh, American. You know what I mean? And yet on the other hand, they're exciting words. The words "Chili sauce"! Oh Lord! You know, I haven't made love in so long. But, with you, I know it would be just like riding a bike: I'd remember everything I've ever learned! Baby, if the Kid can't make you come, nobody can

[Jerome:] Morris?

[Morris:] Yeah?

[Jerome:] 17!

[Morris:]
Oh, um... what's it gonna be, baby?

[Sharon:]
Chili sauce!

[Morris:]
Oh Lord!