Ernie Had An Hernia

(album: Absurd-Ditties - 1993)

Too much nosh and too much booze
He spent all night in the bog with the blues
An aching head, intoxicated
He didn't even know he was constipated

He forced and he frowned, he pushed and he stained
But on the toilet seat he remained
He let out a shout as he passed out
And his gut was rearranged

No walks in the park, no drinks, no grub
He can't embark on a trip to the pub
He sits in the dark, and says don't trouble me

[Chorus:]
No one sees he's a ruptured man
(Ernie had a, Ernie had a, Ernie had a hernia)
(Ernie had a, Ernie had a, Ernie had a hernia)
He can't sneeze like you normally can
They're all mean, they're all riff raff
(Ernie had a, Ernie had a, Ernie had a hernia)
(Ernie had a, Ernie had a, Ernie had a hernia)
He turns green when they make him laugh
He had a hernia

He can't stand up, her can't lie flat
The torment in his tummy preventing that
He can't sit down, can't go anywhere
The devil in his belly proving too much to bear

He can't go out and he can't stay in
Oh what's it all about? He just can't win
No chance of a bath or to see the lavatory for him

[Chorus]

Ernie never smiles and he dare not grin
An aggravating abdomen wearing him thin
Ernie had a hernia but he did not give in

[Chorus]