Conversations

(album: Newark Mixtape - 2015)

[Tsu Surf:]
Constantly accomplishing all of these new accomplishments
Sometimes I wake up
And feel like I ain't really accomplished shit
Honestly it's stressful
Thoughts as random as this bitch that I'm next to
I know this conversation probably like pot to kettle
I need your opinion, I could possibly be tripping
My conclusions all the same, it be like, "Fuck it or Smith'n"
I need logic, I got skeletons in my closet
Won't say I'm trying to clean it up, just sort it out
Sharing with you shit that I thought about
Can't stop dreaming 'bout
Joe, how I get these demons out?
Voices in my head, I need to scream it out
Man, I did bad things, I ain't proud and I ain't glad things
They was tryna press me, I gave 'em Jordan; that's mad rings
Buncha shit, tell me how you think I should handle it
Or manage it, fuck, I wasn't ready for this camera shit
And grandma's sick, goddamn, man, grandma's sick
Fuck, I'm probably rambling, shit, here I go rambling

[Joe Budden:]
Something gotta give with it
You don't get rid of your demons, you learn to live with it
4/5th in the capsule
Painkillers for the nights you get sick with it
Blinders over your eyes, my nigga, shit's vivid
Get livid, shit twisted, it'll happen like a bad disaster
And niggas see you like a battle rapper
But you your own worst enemy, so when you leave smack you have to have a real battle after

[Tsu Surf:]
You right, but I lost three homies in like four weeks
Same place I call home, nothing about Newark sweet
And I don't keep it on me just so I could hold heat
I keep it 'cause the reaper laying niggas in these cold streets
If I go, how my daughter gon' eat?
Who gon' tell her right from wrong?
How my mama gon' sleep?
Sheesh! They say when you speak it, you bring it in the flesh
Few of my niggas left, and I'm feeling like a nigga next

[Joe Budden:]
My nigga, stop it, you got time on your side like that Glock is
That paranoia got you obnoxious
Let me paint an angle:
You ain't lose friends, you gained angels
So before bed you should be saying thank you
And oh, far as your seed, just be there and stay put
I only see mine on my baby mother's Facebook
You got a hand in rap and one in the streets
Gotta be faithful to one when them two sides meet

[Tsu Surf:]
Me and my baby mama tried to work it out again
Same results, was just running her mouth again
Pushed me away, I won't lie, I dipped out again
Here I go trying to freshly paint an old house again
Do they always leave with more than they came with?
Text you like they changed
Turn around and be the same bitch
Man, I need answers, Joe, I need answers

[Joe Budden:]
Look, get you some shit to roll, a little cancer
Get you a stack of ones, a couple dancers
They'll make you king for the night, or maybe chancellor
She'll think you still in the hood, standing on Chancellor
Baby mom's wild whenever they get to chance to
Useless arguments I never been a fan of
That's 18 years of dealing with the banter
Restraining order, she'll violate if you don't ban her
That's payback for all the bullshit she think you hand her

[Tsu Surf:]
Okay, well, Tylenol bottles full of Xans
Couple 100's, couple bitches now, I guess I got plans
Can't let her get the best of me
First she say "fuck it," now she paragraph texting me
I'm the reason we like this, well, allegedly
Thoughts all scrambled, other bitches keep egging me
Bugging out, fall asleep
Creeping turn to breakfast at another house
Wild sex with bitches that barely give they number out
Always start with a chill
Before the sex, before the feelings, before shit get real
For real, I felt like I ain't need her
Felt shit change and started confiding in Karisha
Swear it was something I ain't mean to do
Then stopped giving a fuck
When I found out she cheated too—unbelievable!
Who coulda guessed a nigga stressing said F it?
Rebounds turned into a new possession, shit's getting hectic

[Joe Budden:]
New possession, same shot clock
Funny wherever I go, them same thots watch
When in VIP unscrewing, playing Cîroc top
So she think I'll jump for the box; playing hopscotch
But I can't give you girl advice
Not when I used to use girls as a vice
Shit, sex was a drug, the orgasm was a high on it's own, man
Knew they was addicted, they never got with the program
Or was it codependency?
In reverse, did I need them to depend on me?
Showing unconditional love, no contingency
Though I knew it wouldn't last, I pretended to be
My aura never came off as apprehensive at least
So if you listening, please don't take this offensively
It wasn't meant to be, you took a ride with the devil
Jekyll and Hyde, makes sense that I was hiding Jekyll
They couldn't take it any longer from me
So it's odd they all moved around the corner from me
Maybe they hoping we'll run into each other
That'll ruin you, sorta like a car to a deer
That's what y'all are to me, my dear
Do you sleep better knowing that a part of me is near?
But I'm so outta love you gotta pardon if I care
I swear, the distaste stems from this space
I think the love is lost, they think it's misplaced

[Tsu Surf:]
I think it's like, suddenly every bitch got time
When I'm back home, I be feeling like LeBron
They say, "You made it!"
I'm just thinking in my mind
Like I ain't made it 'til I made a safe haven for my mom
I think I fucked up too many times
Don't think she fully understand the whole grind
Wonder if Alana know why daddy go
She can't get Doc mixed up as her daddy, bro

[Joe Budden:]
I been there, playing a role, couldn't take it
They told me you gotta fake it 'til you make it
Against my will I tried everything to embrace it
And then I transformed into everything that I hated
I always picture me spending bank in the district
Then I learned you get famous before you get rich
They'll think you balling, you might have to bounce on
Dudes counting your money
You thought that you could count on

[Tsu Surf:]
Called my phone, trying to book me for a fucking battle
I'm still having battles of my own
Some battles I don't feel strong enough to win
Even if I did, I rarely win them battles with Patron
So pessimistic, I need to stop it, this shit ain't easy
Alana called me, yellin': "Daddy! I see you on TV!"
Why I be feeling stuck and shit
Like this money ain't cutting it?

[Joe Budden:]
Different stages, different phases
Different animals, different cages
Different charges, that's different cases
Been the same me all along with different aces
Every month, different cops kill different faces
They indifferent, wish it was happening to different races
Different decade, can't tell we in different ages
Same gang, same result, just different places

[Tsu Surf:]
I been trying to separate my wants from my needs
Mom said I'm like my pops
"That apple don't fall far from that tree"
I couldn't quote her
If he was anything like me we would definitely be closer
But she kinda got a point
Man, I need to roll another joint
So much come with that pop shit
Whoever confronted that pop shit
Deffo wish we was closer, I hate it, but I chuck it up
I was in the streets, a lost cause, I probably fucked it up
I was younger though, that was just a lesson
He left him when he really needed protection
Say he and him, I hate saying us
Late nights I was staying up
Waiting, fell asleep, thinking I hate him
Cold hearted 'cause I gotta be, he ain't have to lie to me
Man, why this shit even still bother me?

[Joe Budden:]
Hold up, we all been fatherless
At thirteen I thought mine ain't wanna be bothered with
But life come at you fast
Buckle up or get buckled, there'll be harder hits
Learn to guard your shit, regardless of what is
Far as demons, gotta live with monsters at the crib
I got experience-you need a nigga, holla at the kid
And I'll tell you how to grow up better than myself
Just some lessons that nobody knows better than myself