Sober Thoughts

(album: Herstory In The Making - 2019)

Discipline in my habits
Went distant on my attachments
I had to turn my presence to absence
Stuck in the cage
Questioning the hours and days
Depression-al phase
My tunnel vision starting to fade
I started to marry my thoughts, already engaged
Not knowing my next move had me going insane
Depending on alcohol to get me over the pain
Praying my habit don't ever have me turn to cocaine
I won't allow this temporary pain to turn into a stain
I wanna live but my joy for life is stuck in the grave
God, I need you more than ever, I was hoping you came
So used to holding shit in, it's kinda hard to explain
Picasso, the best way to put it
Before you knew the meaning of it, you misunderstood it
Far from perfect, did a lot of shit I knew I shouldn't
Ducking my demons but they coming like a moving bullet
Shit is crazy out here

It's like I love it and I hate it out here
Gotta be mentally stable out here
Just to make it out here
Never slipping
Every day I'm aware
If I ain't got it, I go get it
And I make it appear
Tough love being assertive
That's the way that I care
When I'm distant and I ignore you
Then to me you ain't there
When I erase you that's when you worry
Replace yo ass in a hurry
That's the truth not a dare, nigga
Do not compare

All this pain in me
I want it washed away
I gotta keep faith in me
These niggas want me dead
I gotta stay strong
Stay strong
I've been fighting all my life
Whoa
May God watch my soul

Only people that think that I fell off
Is the people that wasn't supportin, before the fame and the fortune
My fanbase was already a force and
I was selling out shows before the radio sources
Meaning the grinding and the independence what got me in it
Not a cosign or a mention and this is not fiction
Now I'm feeling attention from muhfuckers that once was dick licking
And pic flicking, friendshipping
This isn't no damn fool, I know the game so it's cool
And when you play the game, play by the rules
Momma ain't raised no coon, I know the difference between loved and used
Life is just hugs and bruises, care and crew
Fuck desire, my heart pump fire, ooh
Don't inhale my fumes, I'm toxic, caged in like zoos
Boxed in like boxing, in the studio, locked in

And you couldn't walk a block in my shoes
Not even my socks, shit
I came from the bottom, that's why I fuck with top shit
I'm talking about the never, ever, ever in stock shit
I don't pop shit, I speak knowledge so call me a prophet
And if you pay attention then you paying homage
Cheap jeans with paid pockets
This pound cake got these weight watchers, weight watching
I ain't stopping like Hov said
Sit in front of the Bentley with the doors out like bow legs
I hate a bitch with a fat ass and no legs
I love a bitch with some crack pussy and dope head
Broke bread with niggas, all I got was a thank you
And you got some other niggas out here saying they made you
The game trying to erase you
Got my foot on they necks, you disrespect the TEC'll give you a facial
Apologies to my ex's and no this ain't my confessions
Appreciate your time and investment, patience and effort
Having ya'll was part of a blessing
Ya'll all belong on the cover of essence
No hard feelings, no love lost, no bad blood
Yeah, love is a bad drug but better to have love than no love
I need a blunt, KorLeone can you roll one?
And smoke one

All this pain in me
I want it washed away
I gotta keep faith in me
These niggas want me dead
I gotta stay strong
Stay strong
I've been fighting all my life
Whoa
May God watch my soul