The Diet

(album: Great American Saturday Night - 2020)

Breakfast, black coffee, one slice of dry toast
No butter, no jelly, no jam
Lunch, just some lettuce, two celery stalks
No booze, no potatoes, no ham
Dinner, one chicken wing, broiled not fried
No gravy, no biscuits, no pie
And this dieting, dieting, dieting, dieting
Sure is a rough way to die

So pass me a carrot stick, peel me a prune
A glass of skim milk and that's all
Turn off the TV for the Big Mac commercial
It's driving me right up the wall
And I'm thinking of french fries, sausage and waffles
Spaghetti and cookies and cake
And each night I'm dreaming of chocolate ice cream
And I'm starving to death when I wake

All for your sake

At work I am known as the king of right crisp
I get mad but I'm too weak to fight
Watching the boys eat them big bologna sandwiches
I'd sell my soul for a bite
The moon is a big piece of sweet watermelon
The sun is a big old fried egg
And keep that dog out of house or I swear
I'll bite off a piece of his leg

You're fixing the kids all those creamed mashed potatoes
But it's bouillon and water for me
And you got a lock on the refrigerator
Lord knows where you're hiding the key
While I'm starving for food late at night
I'm starving for loving from you
But you say that when I can see my own dick
You'll be glad to look at it too

Supper, two pieces of cauliflower, raw
Some beefsteak the size of a nail
One sliced tomato, a small dab of slaw
I swear I ate better in jail
Stop eating that pizza right under my nose
Girl that's the least you can do
And put down that candy bar while I'm singing
I'm starving my ass off for you

So pass me a carrot stick, peel me a prune
A glass of skim milk and that's all
Turn off the TV for the Big Mac commercial
It's driving me right up the wall
And I'm thinking of french fries, sausage and waffles
Spaghetti and cookies and cake
And each night I'm dreaming of chocolate ice cream
And I'm starving to death when I wake

All for your sake
All for your sake
All for your sake