Big Dumb Idiot

(album: Big Dumb Idiot - 2022)

"Hey guys, that's one cappuccino"
"Lovely, thank you very much"
"No worries, and one breakfast bowl"
"Wow, that looks great"
"Enjoy your meal"
"Yeah, you too"

I am fine all alone
But when I leave my house, I become a
Big dumb idiot in front of other people
A giant stupid piece of shit in front of other people
By myself, I tend to be eloquent
And then I go outside and say really dumb shit

To people I don't know or will ever see again
And that's worse for one reason
'Cuz people I don't know or will ever see again
Will tell all their friends
Other people I don't know or will ever see again (Warning, malfunction)

I am fine all alone
But when I leave my house, I become a
A big idiot
I'm Tongue Tied
The kind of guy who says hi one too many times

"Hi, how are you?"
"I'm good, how are you?"
"I'm good, how are you?" (Warning, malfunction)
"I'm good, how are you?" (System dysfunction)
"I'm good, how are Good, how are Good, how are (unintelligible)"

Right, it's no good, I cannae stop it
What the hell do you mean you can't stop it? You built this thing didn't you?
Of course I built it, but I cannae longer control it
What are you talking about?
It's teaching itself now
My god
That's right, one day this machine will become more stupid than we could possibly imagine
I'm good, how are Good, how are Good, how are...

I am fine all alone
I'm a living dichotomy
Inside, I'm a modern day Socrates
Outside, I sound like a bunch of drunk babies
When it comes to being dumb, I'm a rockstar
Under the radar like a motherfucking ninja
Light on my feet as I sneak into your house
Be a giant fucking idiot, then sneak back out
Singing

I am fine all alone
It's what the voices in my head say
Inside, I win a Broadway Tony
Outside, I'm cut from my preschool matinee
When it comes to being dumb, I take the cake
When I go outside, I step on the end of a rake
Then the rake hits my face
While I'm trying to eat the cake
And the sound that I make
Is like "Jesus!"

But the rake doesn't hurt like it should
And the cake tastes sweeter than it ever would
If I was inside, doing something smart and fancy
'Stead I'd be around outside my house dressed in my underpanties

What's this feeling in my mind?
I can see through space and time
Like I've been shocked with one thousand volts of idiocy
For the first time in my life
Every part of us aligned
We agree in unity through stupidity

Cake, face, rake
In the pouring rain
Us look fucking dumb
And we having so much fun
A new frontier
The future's finally here
Don't let in the fear (I am fine all alone)
No, no
Don't give into fear
The future's finally

I am fine all alone
But I know I got to be a
Big dumb idiot in front of other people
A giant stupid piece of shit in front of other people
By myself, now I think of really dumb shit
I wack it in a song and stick it up the internet

To people I don't know or will ever see again
And it blows my mind
That people I don't know or will ever see again
Will show their friends
Other people I don't know or will ever see again (Big dumb idiot)
People I don't know or will ever see again (Big dumb idiot)
People I don't know or will ever see again (Big dumb idiot)
People I don't know or will ever see again (Big dumb idiot)