Blackout

Yeah, I was a nice kid
Grow up with the family and like them
Always had some food on my plate and a place to buy in
But all the sudden it's like a switch flipped
It's in my head telling me I don't deserve shit
Man I would wake up and then I perch into the mirror
Pick apart the imperfections on the person who'd appear
Cause I don't love myself or the way that I looked
I was a little fatty hated all that weight on my foot
All that weight on my shoulders every day just depressed
Every day getting older and every day feeling less
My homies like 'I can tell you got some shit on your chest
My momma drinks a little bit and says it eases the stress"
And I'm like ight
We walk to his crib and we stole a bottle
I started feeling nervous but drank it and then felt hollow
He dabbed me up my mom's about to be back
But there's some more inside the liquor cabinet we could drink tomorrow
I'm like yeah, yeah homie don't worry it's cool
I gotta go to bed early so I wake up for school
But after that we gonna dabble in the greatness of booze
Then boom I blacked out
I didn't wake up till noon
Alarm ringing the bell
My mom's ringing my cell
She's pissed off cause she's heard that I've been drinking myself
But she don't understand that deep inside I'm drinking for help
I said fuck it I'm leaving I don't need you to yell
I packed up my bags and crashed with a couple of friends
Couple months have went by and still the buzzing won't end
I think I'm more sad now than ever but then
I need some stronger medication so I called up a friend
I said listen homie
All that drinking shit ain't working man
Give me something else
He likes "chill I got the percocets"
I'm getting more tomorrow if you like it you can buy the next
I said deal met in person and I tried the shit
Within the hour I'm loving the new thrill
Hit my friend back and said can you cut me a new deal
And he told her the blue pill was the shit
It's just too ill
I'm confused cause his mood was proving it too thrill
He was happy that I've been struggling in live
Cause he knew that in the end it could double his wallet
When my struggle would begin then his struggle would stop
But I still bottle of his product when we linked in the spot
So fast forward a few weeks I'm addicted to drugs
Somehow my mama found out and pulled me back from the thugs
Move me back into a crib and tried to show me her love
But I was numb and only intrested in getting a buzz
And it's fucked up cause she was only trying to be nice
I didn't listen shit I left and I stayed out for the night
Man I went clubbing with my homies that were down for the blinds
They went home the next day to make a mountain of lies
Shit I woke up around three heard a knock at the door
Then these voices started talking shit I heard them before
I couldn't put my finger on it so I had to explore
But on the table was the bottle that I left in my drawers
Shit
My mom found it turn around and see the family
They're all looking down at me and they ain't looking happily
That's when I realized what the fuck this is
Y'all are here to try to take my substances
My mom reached forward then grabbed the bottle of the countertop
She looked at me and said Chase this has to stop
I lashed out and said it stops when I decide and will
I grabbed the bottle from her hand, do not deny the pills
And I ran up to my room
Grabbed the gun that I had hidden and a couple of blues
Crushed the tablets on the table hit a couple of snoots
And put the clip inside the gun load it back and then

I see my family walking up to me
I wish that I could say I'm sorry for this fuckery
I never meant to hurt you
But I was hurt and had to fucking leave
It's almost like they heard me fucking saying cause they hugging me
Oh mama you can't shake me awake
Stop trying I'm gone let it into your brain
Your hearts gonna break it every fucking thought on my face
But let you learn from my lesson so you don't make the mistake
Just tell my story and let them know that I'm sorry
I used to love the thought of death but now the reapers upon me
This shit I'm scared
Save me mom I'm passing away
I wish I didn't put that bullet through the back of my brain