Feel It In The Air

(album: The Last Eleven Years (Part 2) - 2017)

You know, change is inevitable
For better, for worse, is up to you
Here's my experience:

I wake up and vomit as another day begins
Take a gander in the mirror decrepit, and majorly thin
I promenade to this trap house
Putting any and everything in my stystem 'till I blackout
I take my life and I put them in these songs
Caught another case and yes I'm out on bond
I'm tired of these cops
Tired of these constables
Sick of these consequences
Sick of these obstacoles
So I'm a slave, handcuffed to this substance
I need to quit, decomposing with reluctance
Busted, disgusted, and can't be trusted
Think what you want, my paintbrush will discuss this
I dream of living lide, that's so beautiful and lustrous
I'm never fitting in, I'm on the edge of the circumference
With all these wrong decisions, I will never get ahead
Glance at the newspaper, the obituary read:
"He was an honor student, such a gentleman"
"He got good grades and was so intelligent
And when he spoke it was so spectacular"
"Every lady loved him, he was something like a bachelor
And when he talked people listened"
"They seen he never judged and they respected his opinions
And every gambit was a calculated chess move
He had that formula that swirled in that test tube"
"Had tons of friends, his group the best crew"
"But he was feeling overwhelmed and overtime the stress grew"
"Got job offers for a hundred grand a year"
"Had the world by the balls, but he couldn't handle fear"
"He stuck a gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger"
"He left behind a sister and a mother that truly loved him"
I can relate... I just never pulled the trigger
We're both on the verge of death, he just did it quicker
I can relate... I just never pulled the trigger
I can relate... I just never pulled the trigger
I look up and see repulsion in the mirror
Covered in filth, guilt and shame, now eyes dropping a tear
From this moment forward I am gonna change my life
Now I can keep doing the same but too broke to pay the price
Brake the pipe, shaking, anxious, no more chasing white
And every wrong I ver did I'm gonna make it right
I did, that was then, this is now...
So please pay attention cause I'm gonna jump around
I rap about this stuff because the shit is so real
And I talk about my life cause I'm still fucking crazy...
So insane, I must admit that I'm still so insane
See the shit is so deep
Has anybody here felt like using?
"Yeah"
"I felt like using... felt like using a pistol"
Benzos, barbiturated, shit I got a fistful
We have separate journeys but the pain is identical
My lyrics hotter than a Playboy centerfold
I try to practice three things that are indispensable
To get confortable it's gonna take longer
I don't dwell on shit, see it just makes me stronger
Every opportunity that I was given
I fucked them all up from the way that I was living
I verbalize realism, I'm far from synthetic
For all of my successes don't give myself enough credit
And I remember the day the I had my first overdose
Cope with the coke and potent dope left me comatose
I was stranded with colossal affairs
My mother smiles, no more disappointing stares
I see a future, no more voicing my despair
You're God damn right, I fucking feel it in the air
Listen, the smell of crack snoke lingers in the kitchen
Hear the suction of the plunger when the finger are in position
Cigarette burns, in every pair of shorts
I would do coke for hours, then just stare at the door
Paranoia sets in, I lost direction
No time for resting 'till the day I get arrested
So I'm stuck between rock and a hard place
The main reason that I'm still breathing is God's grace
I'm grateful for every fan and I'm blessed
Watch friends relapse and I'll be damned if I'm next
Get deeper, more honest with every chance to reflect
Look, I never thought I'd put my hands on my ex
But I did, what the fuck I salute my short comings
Say to myself: What am I becoming?
You can judge me 'till your perspective gets clear
And you can criticize my life, but I'll always perservere
I'm liable of anything and yes, I accept that
And anytime I fall short it's just a minor set back
I had to cut ties, I had to step back
Was homicidal man, I'm just being honest
I'm modest, not arrogant nor pompous
I used to brake the law and my shadow was my accomplice
And I could take a fucking hundred shots at her
But I won't cause I'm not that type of man
Slice my hand, when the pen is a sword with morbid moves
Pernicious obsceneties strenghted my fortitude
I keep my mouth shut as I plot to adapt
I don't listen to the words that are talked behind my back
I appreciate God and everything he's done for me
I don't judge cause I understand your story
Relate and identify, I cherish the troubles
I'm still alive, it's a privilege to struggle
Used to always have a half gallon in the trunk
Look, I can't front son, it's been a rough month
Rest in peace Jen Zekas, you were loved by so many
Your viewing helped me looking at myself
Calamities and losses are always ending tragic
A million times I seen myself laying inside a casket
My sister's tears, they fall and hit the coffin
My mother's hysterical, OK I'll switch topics
I switch topics, it's kinda touchy
Kinda the wrong subject that I should be displaying
I'm reminiscing on the first time that I stepped inside the booth
I was scared, timid and shy to tell you the truth
I couldn't tell you about my life through these private raps
But then I started one day and I ain't ever look back
For no reason, just beacuse I feel worthless
A lot of days I still feel lost without a purpose
I'm the type of man that listens 'till it's too late
But what I have see they call it true faith
And this song goes out to anyone that lost a loved one
I know it's hard, but we keep pushing forward
It hurts my hearth knowing that she runs the streets
I fall to my knees, start to cry, I feel weak
Powerless attacked by tremendoud grievance
We can only carry the message, can't determine who receives it
So understand where the fuck am I coming from
No one has to die, fuck the feelings that you feel
You gotta trust the images, that problems bring gifts
With God I am strong, the tenacity is thick
I idolize anyone that fights to chase their dreams
I can't do this shit myself so I must embrace my team
When I pray I live everyday free
I rap for the ones that can't get and stay clean