Ruining Christmas Carols

["Winter Wonderland"]

Children scream
Are you listening?
Radiate
Skin is glistening
It's ash from the skies
A permanent night
A walk through nuclear winter wonderland

Trees aglow
I'm feeling festive
As we grow
An extra teste
It won't go to waste
As we repopulate
A walk through nuclear winter wonderland

["Frosty The Snowman"]

Nice, okay

Oh, Frosty the snowman
Knew the sun was hot that day
So he said, "let's run
Kids, we'll have some fun
Now before I melt away"
His eerie face froze into place
The sentience stripped away
He woke and spewed a brownish goo
O'er the kids packed in their sleigh

Oh, Frosty the snowman
Purged the contents of his brain
And his IQ shot seven points per drop
As he retched in gruesome pain
The children came to hear each day
The puddle's garbled shrieks
And though his cries for his mother died
The frothing never ceased

Oh, Frosty the snowman
Just a fairytale, they say
But the images witnessed by those kids
Will haunt them to their graves

["Carol Of the Bells"]

Hark! We're in hell
Hot flaming hell
Lake is aflame
Skin is in pain
Rise from abyss, six sixty six (Ding dong)
Everyone in polycotton blends (Ding dong)
Hitler is hotboxed with Pol Pot (Ding dong)
Using Epstein as a latrine (Ding dong)
Takis to eat, Monster to drink
Mark of the Beast, Biden Vaccine
Grandpa's in hell for not tipping well
Ladies who scream, all Karening
Gayly they sing, Homos and Queens
Songs out of fear, Lucifer's here
No one's celebrating freaking Christmas
Grandpa really should've tipped the waitress

On, on they scream
Eternally
On without end
With Bin Laden

["Up On The Housetop"]

Up in the Big House, Santa sits
Awaiting out three prison stints
Caught stuffing stockings, paid the price
Post up in Folsom, ten to life
Ho, ho, ho, his clique in tow
Ho, ho, ho, his clique in tow
Up in the Big House, clink, clink, clink
Slaying his bunkmate behind the sink

Roll through the block with the Kringle Klan
Bribing the guards with a couple grahams
In with a whiff of Swedish Fish
Thanks to his Missus' gorilla grip
Ho, ho, ho, his sack in tow
Ho, ho, ho, his sack in tow
Up in the Big House, click, click, click
Best pay your dues up to Good Saint Crip