If My Heart Had Wings

Seems like every now and then
I try to pick myself [?]
But how can I expect to do that?
I don't even feel like picking up my phone
I'm stuck somewhere in-between one and someone there all the time
But sometimes I don't have enough energy to even stay on the line
'Cause I've been down and out
I've been down this road
And I know that it ends in nowhere
But still here I go
'Cause it's all I know
And there's comfort in being [?]

If my heart had wings
I'd fly away far
Far from the light
'Cause I like the dark
If my heart had wings
'Cause in the dark
All those mirrors don't shine
And I never have to look myself in the eyes
If my heart had wings
I'd say bye to this world I despise
And I'd fly to the heavens above
If my heart had wings
Maybe then I'd regain some respect
For myself, and I'd love who I was
If my heart had wings

I just wish that I could know my purpose
Everything I got, I feel like I don't deserve it
My entire life, I've been out there searching
But I'm always cold inside like a thermos
I got hated on for being me
So I started hating who I was
And ever since that moment
I ain't never been the same
Self hatred is a drug
And I'm addicted
Not by decision
But by association with the wicked
And every time I try to kick it
Life looks at me and doubles up on my prescription
The man in the reflection I despise
I've tried to change him, but it's every time
I try to force him forward, he enjoys the torture
Wants it more, and goes to hit rewind
I'm stuck in a cycle of pain and denial
I've stomached more than I could take
Feels like the older I'm getting
The more I'm forgetting
How simple life was in the day
Back when happiness was my default emotion
The past I picked was filled with rocky roads
And I scream when I think about the life I've chosen
'Cause sometimes I don't wanna be a soldier
I just wanna be a man
Simple life, simple goals, simple plans
God help, I've got a lot to love in my life
But one of them isn't myself
And everyone I love deserves better
My girl, my family, my friends, and my fans
They need the best that I can give 'em
But I cannot do that when the pain never ends
So please, grant me this wish
Let me fly so I can be at my best, and I'll show it
And if my heart don't grow wings
I'll rip it right out of my chest, and I'll throw it

If my heart had wings
I'd fly away far
Far from the light
'Cause I like the dark ('Cause I like the dark)
If my heart had wings
'Cause in the dark
All those mirrors don't shine
And I never have to look myself in the eyes (Look myself in the eyes)
If my heart had wings
I'd say bye to this world I despise
And I'd fly to the heavens above (Fly to the heavens above)
If my heart had wings
Maybe then I'd regain some respect
For myself, and I'd love who I was
If my heart had wings