Ain't Who I Use To Be

(album: Loner - 2021)

4 o'clock in the morning I still ain't slept
Thoughts in my head I just blame myself
Gave my all I got nothing left
Everything in my fucking life causes stress

Am I blessed or cursed, I can't less the hurt
I try my best but expect the worse
Behind every smile my depression lurks
And you wonder why the fuck I'm щbsessed with work

I'm in grind mode, looking for a high road
Looking for the peace but my ops want my eyes closed
45 tucked on my side for survival
223s in the mags of my rifles

You don't know pain, you don't know loss
You just see the fame you don't know what it cost
When you give away love and ya get double crossed
Then ya understand the point that I'm trying to get across

Feeling so lost, lost in the game
Got tossed in the storm, I just walk in the rain
Anger built up so I talk profane
Been through hell now I can't turn off the flame

He knows I'm stained but loves me still
My crazy to him is a sex appeal
Guns in the house, he knows the deal
So numb I don't know how to feel

I ain't who I used to be
Thanks to all my enemies
Burned in the first degree
But it gave me clarity
Lord knows I've tried just to leave it alone
I ain't who I used to be
Thanks to all my enemies
Burned in the first degree
But it gave me clarity
But the only peace I find is at the end of the road

My loves like a light switch, on and off
Motha fuckas never know what they might get
Let shit ride til I throwout a spike strip
Fight with my vice think I might need a vice grip

Tried be nice, got ran over
Broke my heart shit made me colder
Addicted to friends and I can't get sober
Fake friends done made me a loner

I'm losing my composure, looking for the closure
One day you love me, the next day it's over
Maybe I'm ugly, a little bi polar
Maybe my life gets over exposure

Tears of a joker, mind of soldier
Everything I trust comes with a holster
Karmas a bitch, off a cliff I drove her
I wish life came with a chauffeur

I ain't who I used to be
Thanks to all my enemies
Burned in the first degree
But it gave me clarity
Lord knows I've tried just to leave it alone
I ain't who I used to be
Thanks to all my enemies
Burned in the first degree
But it gave me clarity
But the only peace I find is at the end of the road