I Won't Say That I'm Okay

(album: Aware - 2013)

I won't hold my tongue.
I'm not okay without you here.
I guess what's done is done.
I just feel so exposed without you near.

And I won't say that I'm okay,
'Cause you taught me not to lie, so know that I'll miss you everyday.

You always taught me to be good, and always do my best to be selfless,
But I know that God is holding you, and I am so damn jealous,
'Cause I miss your arms around me and the way you make me laugh.
And now I'm stuck inside this prison that says you're never coming back.

So I'm sitting in my room as I try to write this song.
I'm so sorry that it's not good enough. It's just that everything seems wrong,
And I keep bursting into tears because the pain won't go away,
Because the father took my best friend and said she cannot come out to play
Anymore.

[3x]
I won't hold my tongue.
I'm not okay without you here.

I guess what's done is done.
I just feel so exposed without you near.

And I won't say that I'm okay,
'Cause you taught me not to lie, so know that I'll miss you everyday.

You always taught me to be good and always do my best to be selfless,
But I know that God is holding you, and I am so damn jealous.
'Cause I miss your arms around me and the way you make me laugh.
And now I'm stuck inside this prison that says you're never coming back.

And now I'm sitting in my room as I try to write this song,
I'm so sorry that it's not good enough. It's just that everything seems wrong.
But I will try my best to be good, so I can pay my way
Straight through the pearly gates, into your arms so we can play
Once more.

[Talking:]
Grandma, uh, I love God with all my heart and the only reason that is instated in my life is because of you.
And I really don't understand that God that you introduced me to would take you away so fast when you were the only person that ever understood a thing I said.
And I really don't know how to deal with this anymore.
And I'm just really not okay with this.
And I miss you and I understand you're in heaven but I... I want to be selfish.
I don't want you to be in heaven, I want you to be back down here.
I don't want you to be there. I want you to be here.
What am I supposed to do now?
That's all I'm asking.