Dog Porn

(album: Adam Hussein's Truth Or Slander - 2002)

Adam: Is that boy balls going off on one again? Look, son, I told you before. It's all lies. Don't fuk'n listen to 'em clarts

Let me tell you a story about a mate of mine
You'll have to bear with me I've had a bottle of wine
His name's Adam Hussain and he's really alright
He shagged a mongo in his car, late one night

It was some time back in late '83
Benny Blanco was his name and he came round to tea
He made his excuses and went to the bog
Xain found him outside, shagging the dog

He's never been the same since that summer's day
He lost his fuk'n head and thought he was gay
We soon brought him round with a big fat blunt
Then we showed him some pictures of a dripping c*nt

Dunlop. Greenflash. 13.99.
Dunlop. Greenflash. They calls it LSD and it's fuk'n wicked man

If you need your fix, you know where to go
Get on the phone to Benny Blanco
He doesn't mind, even when he's with a whore
He's the 'Port's drug ambassador

He'll deliver to you, within the hour
In his Patrick shell suit, sometimes with a flower
In his collar, he looks fuk'n dollar
and his eyes are quite similar to the Ayatollah

I first met Hussain whilst pissed on a train
He was off to Heathrow to catch a fuk'n plane
I think he had a connection to organise the draw
Cos he gave me three ounces and a photo of Roger Moore

He told me a story about a bird he shagged
He took for a spin in a car he blagged
They pulled into a lay-by and started getting busy
He ripped off her pants and covered her in c*nt jizzy

She said to him, "you really make me hot,
i don't even mind about the cock rot!"
So he seized his chance and took a tricky brown
But it all went pear-shaped when he took a look down

There were loads of skid marks all over his seat
They were white leather so they'd be there for weeks
He blagged the car from his cousin in Aberdare
And when he gave it back there was shit everywhere

Adam: There may be an element of truth there, right? Er, but most of it, it.. it... it's fcuking lies. I swear to god, I never done nothing like that before

Eggsie: Yous fcukings knows it. I am a fcuking robot. Is ams froms outers spaces. Is ams froms jus-pis-ters.

Went to pick a man up in my fuk'n car
There's a rave up in Wentwood, It's not very far
We've got drugs and lager, we've been to the Spar
House, techno, acid there's even a bar

Adam got fuk'd up, off his head on pills
He got on the podium to show us his skills
He dropped his can of lager and slipped in the mess
And ripped down this fuk'n minging birds dress

This minging bird said, "You make me cringe"
Hussaing shoved his fingers up her minge
He said, "My beer goggles are on but you're quite smart"
"Come back to my place you fuk'n tart!"

She kicked him in the bollocks and punched him the eye
He said, "you still haven't given me a fuk'n reply"
She said, "You'll never get me back to your place."
So Adam pinned her down and shot his man fat in her face

When I first met Benny Blanco he sold me the blow
After bingo at the community disco
He fingered, two mingers,
And was making girls sniff his fingers

Smoked bongs and drank Strongbow
Went for a drive and shagged a mongo
He's been bad, since the day he was born
And he's got a huge collection of dog porn

Adam: That fuk'n shit about shagging a mongo, that's not true, right? Are you trying to frame me, or something? Let me kick some fuk'n shit to you now, right guys...

Some of it's lies and some of it's the truth
I'm Benny Blanco and you got no proof
The dog porn shit? It's all propaganda
Although I seen some sick shit with an electric sander

And a girl in a bikini called Miranda
Giving it to a shitty dog, seal and a panda
Went in HMV, to buy a DVD
Of some oral sex beastiality

I couldn't get any, I was feeling quite forlorn
Until I found this tape of dog porn
When I got it home, it weren't my cup of tea
But Eggsie had to have a w4nk cos it was free

So call it the truth, so call it slander
But I don't give a fuk cos I'm drinking Moet Chandon
I starred in a cock film called Black Mamba
And I feels like Sean Connery that film, er, Highlander

I'm Adam Hussain, alright? If you thinks I been shagging fuk'n animals, you'd be mistaken, like. But if you fuk'n thinks I have, I'll fuk'n shag you with that metal pig outside the market.

Do... Do you read me over. I am a robot. You fuk'n obey bastard prick. Errr