She's Got The Gold Mine (I Got The Shaft)

(album: The Bird - 1982)

Well I guess it was back in '63
When eating my cooking got the better of me
So I asked this little girl I was going with to be my wife

Well she said she would
So I said "I do"
But I'da said "I wouldn't"
If I'da just knew how saying "I do"
Was gonna screw up all of my life

Well the first few years weren't all that bad
I'll never forget the good times we had
Cause I'm reminded every month when I send her the child support

Well it wasn't too long till the lust all died
And I'll admit I wasn't too surprised
The day I come home and found my suitcase sitting out on the porch

Well I tried to get in
She changed the lock
Then I found this note taped on the mailbox that said
"Goodbye turkey. My attorney will be in touch"

So I decided right then and there
I was gonna do what's right
Give 'er her fair share
But brother
I didn't know her share was gonna be that much

She got the goldmine (She got the goldmine)
I got the shaft (I got the shaft)
They split it right down the middle
And then they give her the better half
Well it all sounds sorta funny
But it hurts too much to laugh
She got the goldmine, I got the shaft

Now listen, you ain't heard nothing yet
Why they give her the color televison set
Then they give her the house
The kids
And both of the cars

See?
Well then they started talking about child support
Alimony
And the costs to the court
Didn't take me long to figure out how far in the toilet I was

I'm telling ya they have made a mistake
Cause it adds up to more than this cowboy makes
Besides, everything I ever had worth taking they've already took

While she's living like a queen
On alimony
I'm working two shifts
Eating baloney
Asking myself, "Why didn't you just learn how to cook?"

They give her the goldmine, (She got the goldmine)
They give me the shaft (I got the shaft)
They said they're splitting it all down the middle
But she got the better half
Well, it all sounds mighty funny
But it hurts too much to laugh
She got the goldmine, I got the shaft

Well, she got the goldmine, (She got the goldmine)
I got the shaft (I got the shaft)
They split it all down the middle
And then they give her the better half
Well, I guess it all sounds funny
But it hurts too much to laugh
She got the goldmine, I got the shaft

Heh, heh. Hey ain't kidding. I got the shaft
But I don't have to worry about toting a billfold anymore
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
I let my wife tote it, I'm gonna be carrying food stamps
You get it judge?
I'm gonna be indebted
That's not funny, huh?
Huh?
Contempt of court?
What do you mean I'm
Listen judge, I'm just kidding
I mean
You can't get blood out of a turnip, can ya? (Ha ha ha)