Lost

(album: You're Not Alone - 2020)

You can tell me that I'm perfect
'Cause you've never seen me hurting
Only know what's on the surface
Say I'm fine, but I'm not fine
When the demon's in my head
Sometimes I just won't leave my bed
So if you're leaving, I'll understand, understand

Yeah, it's been nonstop
I swear this touring's been killing me, everybody watch
And I don't like seeing cities and then leaving them just to go to the next
I think I've seen too many faces, but it's all in my head
The nights I stayed up late just working put me in a position
That people line up at the shows now and they finally listen
Seeing every single one of you just truly makes me nervous
'Cause when I see the checks, I just don't feel I deserve it
So after shows, I go right back to the hotel and look myself in the mirror
Asking what do I do this for and it all becomes clear
That I don't know what I'm doing, sometimes it feels so confusing
I see people wear my merch, but I still feel like I'm losing this upward battle
Did a show in Seattle
Panic attack on stage and I had no where to travel
So I just carried on, did the show in tears until the curtains drawn
I got anti suicide songs, but I still sing along
They say depression's a journey
The only difference is a journey has an end
Implement some ways to cope, but it's still hard to circumvent
Fans say they sick of sad songs, I'm just tryna vent
Saying I'm just tryna vent

You can tell me that I'm perfect
'Cause you've never seen me hurting
Only know what's on the surface
Say I'm fine, but I'm not fine
When the demon's in my head
Sometimes I just won't leave my bed
So if you're leaving, I'll understand, understand

I wish my anxiety had an off switch
So I can just flip it and then never worry again
Maybe then I'd be comfortable when I'm around all my friends
I never feel wanted even though I probably am
And I so sick of all these late nights, reminisce when I waste time
Think about all of my better days back before I even wrote lines
Revisit nostalgia just to try to finally feel something
But all the stuff I did when I was younger just don't feel the same, yeah
And my sadder days turn into like every day
Started doing drugs just to try to finally numb the pain
Yeah, but all that got me was addicted to prescriptions, want a way out
Swear I'm always searching, but don't think I'll ever find it, yeah
The voices in my head been telling me that I should quit this
But I got some plaques up on the wall, I really did this
Started from the bottom, now I'm touring, filling stages
But the more success I'm gaining makes me hate it

You can tell me that I'm perfect
'Cause you've never seen me hurting
Only know what's on the surface
Say I'm fine, but I'm not fine
When the demon's in my head
Sometimes I just won't leave my bed
So if you're leaving, I'll understand, understand