Hideous Disfigurements

(album: Songs That People Emailed Me About Asking Why I Hadn't Put Them On Streaming Platforms - 2019)

All they, all they ever see
Is hideous disfigurements
All they, all they ever see
Is hideous disfigurements

I done came to this conclusion
My decision is I've gotta end it
[?] ain't a life for me that I can see
Hell is where a playas stuck, never free, never leave
Death is my escape and I've been racing to the finish G
Jealous, sheisty criminals is all around
All these laws is plotting, tell the killers not to waste they rounds
Lay myself up in the ground
Playa went to S and K the other day
Bought myself the funeral suit so you ain't gotta worry troop
Took a couple pictures with my momma, duke
Ain't no sense in making her last image of me dying in my blood and puke
Ain't her fault I took that route
Everything I learned is from the way I see it:
You can't trust your fellow man, the government, or even Jesus
Rather blow my head to pieces, playa ain't no turning back
Sitting in my room I'm mixing pills, don't know how long I'll last
Time to grab that baby mac, gonna put my ass to sleep
Sweating on the grip I put that burner up on to my cheek
Hoping that my nerves are twitching let me squeeze that trigger twice
Feeling like a nervous bitch but I just got to roll the dice
Take my life, press it to my temple flip the safety and let off a shot
Heard a pop, hope to God my pain will stop

All they, all they ever see
Is hideous disfigurements
All they, all they ever see
Is hideous disfigurements

Flash forward: itching, burning, panic stricken, how the fuck
Am I still alive I'm feeling horror struck
Spinning [?] can't see nothing, screaming, I can't hear my voice
All I feel is pressure in my brain and all my clothes are moist
Fumbled on the ground, twitching all around
Spazzing gotta find the strap
Gotta put another in my dome before they find my ass
I know they heard that buck, know that they called the cops
Know my little sisters getting out of school at three o'clock
Leaking like a motherfucker, rub my fingers through the butter
Drawing shapes, finally find the courage now to touch my face
Feeling dizzy, bout to give up on that fucking gun, probably die from loss of blood
How could I have been this dumb? drag myself up off the floor onto the bed
I can't believe I let a motherfucking bullet fly and I ain't even dead
Nothing making sense, smash my fist down on my legs
Scrape my skin off with my finger nails, bitch I'm in a rage
Swinging violent, trying to scream again and all I heard was gurgles
Gotta find the burner make my suicide look like a murder
Thoughts become erratic as I touch my fingers to my face
Try to find my nose but now my features have been replaced
Gagging as I'm pulling back a meaty flap
In between my eyes is just a greasy mess of tissue with some teeth attached
Oozing blood secretes the gash
Bitches there's no coming back
Weeping through my twisted form I vomit as I fade to black

All they, all they ever see
Is hideous disfigurements
Tried to, tried to buck myself
And now I gotta live with it

"Picked up the gun and pulled the trigger
Survived, but was severely disfigured"