Stay Alive

(album: No Guts No Glory - 2021)

Last night I couldn't fall asleep without an Ativan
Today I woke up anxious, having a battle with panic attacks
I couldn't look at my reflection in the bathroom
And I smashed every mirror, now the crib is full of shattered glass
Now I'm sitting in the ruins reading comments
From people who don't like me, surrounded by sharp objects
Been making fun of people for being weak and too sensitive
But I feel like I might kill myself from reading all their messages
A former alcoholic, I ain't drank in a bit
But I got non-alcoholic beers stacked in the fridge
I've been fighting with my girlfriend 'bout every little thing
Google Mapping the directions that'll get me to a bridge
My dogs know I've been fighting 'cause they never leave my side
But I don't wanna make 'em sad, so I don't let 'em see me cry
I can feel 'em staring, I can't look 'em in the eyes
'Cause I'm scared that they'll know I wanna die

I have bad days but they don't see me cry
And when it all comes down, these haters save my life
Now on a bad day, I'll never take my life
I gotta outlive all my enemies who stay alive

Last night I told my dad I'll keep it a hundred
If I wasn't feeling well, I wouldn't secretly struggle
Looked up the Suicide Hotline and wrote down the number
Then I hid it in the cornflakes box in the cupboard
I could probably pay my rent, erase the debt that I've been getting in
With half the money I spent on depression with this medicine
I got a debit credit dedicated to my sedatives
That's keeping me alive and not in heaven or a skeleton
I'm lying 'bout eating, I dump my food in the garbage
I lie awake for hours, swear that I feel retarded
In the morning I pretend that I wake up to alarms
'Cause I don't want my girl to know that I just cry in the darkness
I'm posting on the Internet, pretending I'm a stable dude
Suicidal thoughts, faking like I'm in the greatest mood
Threw out all the razor blades, I hit myself and make a bruise
Nova cooked me breakfast, I can't eat and it's my favorite food

I have bad days but they don't see me cry
And when it all comes down, these haters save my life
Now on a bad day, I'll never take my life
I gotta outlive all my enemies who stay alive

Dear world (Dear world), I've been trying, but I'm tired
I know that I'm a person millions of people admire
Tell my parents that I love them and my fans I ain't retired
But I can't keep standing strong with both my feet in the fire
I ain't sorry for the music people said was offensive
I don't apologize for nothing, if I said it, I meant it
To everyone who wished that I was dead 'cause my record's
Outliving y'all, saved my life from an ending

I have bad days but they don't see me cry
And when it all comes down, these haters save my life
Now on a bad day, I'll never take my life
I gotta outlive all my enemies who stay alive