The Dirtiest Song That Ain't

(álbum: Riding A Black Unicorn Down The Side Of An Erupting Volcano While Drinking From A Chalice Filled With The Laughter Of Small Chil - 2011)

I've been 'round for a long time
And I learned along the way:
If you wanna go on the radio
There are words you just can't say!
Well, I thought hard about it
And I found a way around it

Help me go on the radio, you gotta say the words I can't.
You got to sing along to make this song
The dirtiest song that ain't.
Come on, ma'am, won't you give me your hand
And say the words I can't?
You got to sing along to make this song
The dirtiest song that ain't

Down in Carolina
I met a girl with a nice...
So I reached down between us
And I whipped out my...
Skipped right past the sucking
And got right down to...
She turned and said: "I gotta ask,
Would you slip it into my..."

Help me go on the radio and say the words I can't.
You got to sing along to make this song
The dirtiest song that ain't.
Come on, ma'am, won't you give me your hand
And say the words I can't?
You got to sing along to make this song
The dirtiest song that ain't

Her husband was a trucker
He was a filthy mother...
I didn't wanna wrastle
With this no-good stinking...
I heard him come through the kitchen door
When I was banging his filthy...
I knew I'd end up in a ditch
If he caught me riding his...

Help me go on the radio and say the words I can't.
You got to sing along to make this song
The dirtiest song that ain't.
Come on, ma'am, won't you give me your hand
And say the words I can't?
You got to sing along to make this song
The dirtiest song that ain't

"Mercy, please!" I told him,
But he grabbed me by the...
And he did something heinous
He exposed his...
I said "I don't mean to seem crass,
But why are you buttering up your..."
He said "My wife's a beard, and she lured you here.
'Cause I'm queer and I love it in the..."

Help me go on the radio by saying the words I can't.
You have to sing along to make this song
The dirtiest song that ain't.
Sir and ma'am, thanks for lending a hand.
By saying the words I can't.
You have to sing along to make this song
The dirtiest song,
The filthiest song,
The dirtiest song that ain't.