Please Hammond Dont Hurt 'Em

Look at that hamster, damn
He's kind of a big wheel Anchorman
Hammond's a mechanical animal for example
Like an album from Marilyn Manson, however more amicable, oh
He's a big mech battling ball
That'll swing that grappling claw
Have a think what that'll involve
Here's a clue you'll be bruised, bloodied, battered and sore
Deploying shield with the minefield
So pen your final will, and get it signed, sealed, delivered
Then have a nice meal, finish and lie still
The last thing you're going to hear's a high squeal
Yeah, I know it doesn't seem quite real
When you're on the back foot like a high heel
That'll snap, you're no match for a stamp from a huge boot
Damn, but he's too cute

Hammond has only got one ball
The other does not exist at all
Hammond is less than one foot tall
But he's like a vinegar soaked conker conquers all

Hammond exemplifies
The Latin text: "semper fi"
But vivisectionists are pitiless
So forgive our friend for being a bit sick of this
It's as if he's infinitely stuck in a loop
Like a gif of the myth of Sisyphus
Shit's ridiculous, look, here's a lesson to take
Just because he's little doesn't make him any less of a brain
He was getting ready, and waiting to jet and escape
And that patience gave him success on a plate
Now specimen eight will never get in the cage again
He's ready to decimate, hit the Australian plains
Big ball energy
Want to do a bit more than gnaw celery
So quick, pour the Hennessy
Until it hits the floor in your memory
So let me provide a tissue for the final issue
'Cause when the piledriver hits you
I predict you won't survive, you'll be just goo
So goodbye, we'll miss you

Hammond has only got one ball
The other does not exist at all
Hammond is less than one foot tall
But he's like a vinegar soaked conker conquers all