Get Louis (Theroux)

Self-help talks, money walks
Everybody wants to change with a two week course
If ya like me you need a little trick
Cause you're currently shit at dealing with conflict
Don't start a fight but don't avoid everything in life
You've gotta get it just right
Here's your solution
A role model for your conflict resolution
Superman: too ficticious
And laser vision is a little too vicious
Jesus Christ: yes turn the other cheek
But if done every time it gets me beat
You need a 6'2 bespectacled
Motherfucker who won't suffer no fool
He's a big bad dog from the BBC
And he won't break eye contact with a Nazi

You're in charge, you can do it
Just get Louis Theroux it
You're in charge, you can do it
Just get Louis, g-g-g-get Louis
You're in charge, you can do it
Just get Louis, get Louis
Don't get scared but don't persue it
Get Louis, get Louis

"Hey nice shirt asshole"
I couldn't help but feel there'd been a communication breakdown the random man that'd shouted at me on the street and myself
"What the fuck is that, who's speaking right now?"
"Shut up" I regret that I had lost my temper. "I apologize for shouting in anger"
But my hopes were through genuine discourse we could dissolve the tension that had grown between us
Step 1: Ask a question, make it surprisingly genuine
"Do you feel that you need to comment on other people's shirts because you know your own shirt is shit?"
Step 2: Don't react, don't retract but don't attack
There's only one rule from here on out
Keep eye contact
Even when they leave
Even when they sleep
Make sure that you are the one that's staring at them in their dreams

You're in charge, you can do it
Ask a question, keep control
Get Louis, get Louis
Stare into their mortal soul
You're in charge, you can do it
Invade their mind while they're unconscious
Feast upon their weak subconscious

Upon invading the dreams of my most recent victim I'd begun to feel my host body had become quarrelsome and resistant
"Hello? Who's speaking?"
I am me. I am you. You are me. We are Louis
"I don't care. Who-why-why is oh my god what did you do to him?"
I am Louis. I am Louis. I am Louis. I was beginning to feel
"No! No beginning to feel, no reflective gonzo journalism, and no demonic posession!"
I am Louis
"Louis was meant to resolve conflict, you're just creating more pain."
There is no pain. NO HURT. There can be no suffering if there is only Louis. I am Louis. I am Louis. This is your house, is it?
"Stop it now, this is too niche a content!"
Silence mortal. You have invoked Louis within your own mind, and for that there is no content too niche, no reference too obscure, no progression of joke too stupid and absurd. With thyne eyes we see all. Every conceivable past, every possible future, and every 12 year old, neo-Nazi, female bodybuilder, ultra zionist, and westboro baptist member that dares meet our gaze will join our fold as sure as you yourself shall be Louis
I was beginning to feel omnipotent

You're in charge, you can do it
Deal with conflict, treat them kind
Get Louis, get Louis
Hold their soul and bend their mind
You're in charge, you can do it
You can set up your own rhyme
When you see through all space and time

You're in charge, you can do it
Get Louis, get Louis