In the Sun

I used to shut my door while my mother screamed in the kitchen
I'd turn the music up, (TRADEMARK) get high and try not to listen
I thought I lost it (every little fight)
I thought I lost it (cause neither one was right)
Lost it
(I swore I'd never be like them
But I was just a kid back then)

Remember them days, we'll play, at mommy house
Thinking about it give me chills, can't cry right now
No feeling inside, it's like they took my soul out
Hospital bed, tears dropping on your hands now
All we got is memories they can't replace that
Call your phone, praise the lord, when you answer that
Take me to Long Beach I know that's where you probably at
This store got everything you need that's why you shopped there
As I look at my aunties it still feel like you right here
Know my momma hurt
Need to see my momma more
What is life without the ones that you love
Your son died it's like he told you to come
We got two angels in one
Sometimes I, post in the sun can you see where I am
And the family need comfort, seem like he don't understand
This shit ain't right
They only show love when you die
We share the same blood we just alive
I stand in the sun
Tryna see you, staring in the sun
Please [?]

I used to shut my door while my mother screamed in the kitchen
I'd turn the music up, get high and try not to listen
To every little fight 'cause neither one was right
I swore I'd never be like them
But I was just a kid back then
The older I get

All my life I felt pain
I dealt with death I lost my mind I felt sane
Like the weather got a change
I seen sun I felt rain
I gained fame
I locked in then wealth came
Now I'm on my 12th chain
I left the hood I'm all good
But my mental health ain't
I keep my family safe can't keep myself safe
I can't grieve I need a lesson
I got cheese beneath the blessing
No more squeezing smith & wessons
I can't breathe cause I been stressing
I'm not leaving I got hope
Need a drink cause I can't dope
Caused my granny (I choked)
I'm now the reason bro got smoked
Really here to ask myself
I be wanting blast myself
I be bout to latch myself
I'm just tryna grasp myself, for real
Reason I be off pills
I lost Cap I caught chills
I lost Max I couldn't kill
Give a fuck about them bills
Took that shit, I bought wheels
I couldn't tell them how I feel
I can't tell them how I felt
Take that pain by myself
Got my flame by myself
Made my name by myself
Now I hang by myself
Can't complain but I'm really hurting
On my grind I'm still working
It's my time I know my purpose
So this shit was all worth it
Know that

The older I get, the more that I see
My parents aren't heroes, they're just like me
And loving is hard, it don't always work
You just try your best not to get hurt
I used to be mad, but now I know
Sometimes it's better to let someone go
It just hadn't hit me yet
The older I get
I used to wonder