Orgy For One

(album: Cool Patrol - 2018)

Ninja Brian, I invited a large number of girls over here for an orgy tonight, but I have to say that the responses thus far haven't been exactly what I've hoped for

Stacy had a headache
Jenny was in jail
Brenda had to work late
Kate was getting Jenny's bail
Angela got scurvy
Ashley caught a cold
Sally's dad exploded
That's what I was told

Michelle had to play checkers
Ann was baking pies
Wendy's dad exploded too
That might've been a lie
Pam had frisbee lessons
Stella had ballet
Now I'm by myself
But I can have fun anyway, so...

Dim the lights
Remove my tights

Yeah! Nobody showed but I'm gonna have some fun
Let's get this party started it's an orgy for one
It's me and my hand and it's hotter than the sun
So break out the tissues it's an orgy for one
I'm working out my issues in an orgy for one

Margaret's cat was nauseous
Jane was way too shy
Steve was not invited because he was a guy
Claire was parasailing
Brooke said she was in space
But it doesn't matter
Cause I'm rounding second base

All through the night
My grasp is tight, oh

I'm beating so hard you'd think I was a drum
And I don't even care it's an orgy for one
I'm here all alone and I'm tugging on my plums
It's not just masturbation it's an orgy for one
It's a fucking celebration it's an orgy for one

Orgy for one
Orgy for one

Sixty nine
Without the nine
Now pour the wine
I'm mine all mine

I'm batting a thousand and nailing everyone
Thank you everybody at this orgy for one
These pillows are stacked to look vaguely like a butt
You know I'm going for it, it's an orgy for one
My junk is getting sore and it's an orgy for one
You know that I'll be scoring at the orgy for one

Orgy for one
Orgy for one