Honesty

(album: Lifeline - 2018)

The summer of 2003, after the mania ending, the depression, like, I tried to do, I mean, I was still in school. But I tried to do some part-time work, and, it wasn't happening. It was too, overwhelming. 'Cause that's one of the major things with depression, uh... that I've experienced. It's just this really crippling sense of being overwhelmed. By things that aren't even my responsibility. I remember driving with my mom places and we'd be going to the grocery store or something, and we'd drive by a construction site, and suddenly I would just feel... crushed by the, the thought of having to go to this construction site! It's like, why?? It's not even my responsibility. And so, actually having any responsibility was out of the question. So that's how [?] it could not work out. But after... the hospitalization, [?]. From that point forward, I've been able to work pretty consistently. But the upside of being very upfront with my s-, my bosses and my supervisors has been that, I mean, 'cause I [?]. I would say, "Hey. I need [?]. So, I'm gonna take this day off because I have to take this medication, and because of this medication, I won't be able to work this day." Um, so you know. Kind of like managing any other medical issue. With depression a lot of times I'll tell my employers, "I'm... having a tough time right now." It doesn't usually impair my ability to work, but... it affects me and I still have to be honest with them about what's going on.