Ned Nostril (And His South Seas Paradise, Puts Your Blues On Ice, Cheap At Twice The Price Band - Ikky-Ikky, Ukky-Ukky)

(album: He Thinks He's Ray Stevens - 1984)

Well even when Ned was a little-bitty baby his nose covered most of his face
And as he grew into manhood, it spread out all over the place
His heroes were Carl Malden, Jimmy Duranti, and Pinoccheo
And all of his friends used to wonder just how big it was gonna grow

(Hmm-mm-mm-mm)

Well growing up was a problem for Ned, he tried sports but he couldn't make it
On the football field the other team used to kick his nose and try to take it
Basketball games were always the same: Ned always felt inhibited,
When the referee blew the whistle, and called him down for double-dribbling

(Hmm-mm-mm-mm)

Well, then Ned had a brainstorm: he'd be a music man
So he rounded up his buddies, and he started a little band.
Now it's hard getting' bookin's when you're virtually new and unknown,
But Ned had a plan, and a name for the band, and a sound all their own.

(Hmm-mm-mm-mm)

You see Ned and the boys would sniff ragweed 'til their allergies were screaming
Then they'd harmonize with watery eyes and sinuses a streaming
And Ned took his liability; figured out how to turn it around
They wore Hawaiian clothes, and Ned played his nose and that was their sound

So if you wanna hear some wheezing, and sneezing, and blowin, and going that's grand,
Go hear Ned Nostril and his South Seas Paradise,
Put your blues on ice
Cheap at twice the price band (icky, icky, yucky, yuck)
They're the best in the land (icky, icky, yucky, yuck)
Booked solid and in demand (icky, icky, yucky, yucky, icky, icky, yucky, yuck)

[Incoherent, allergy-related music: sniffling, coughing, sneezing and eventual humming]

Ned tried to play the guitar, but his nose covered most of the chords.
He tried to play the piano, but he couldn't see the keyboard.
He tried to play the drums some, but his nose stuck to far out.
And he couldn't play a horn, 'cuz he couldn't get the darn thing up to his mouth

So if you wanna hear some wheezing, and sneezing, and blowin, and going that's grand,
Go hear Ned Nostril and his South Seas Paradise,
Put your blues on ice
Cheap at twice the price band (icky, icky, yucky, yuck)
They're the best in the land (icky, icky, yucky, yuck)
Booked solid and in demand (icky, icky, yucky, yucky, icky, icky, yucky, yuck)

[The same allergy music to fade]