Highs & Lows

(album: When Stars Align - 2019)

My mind is a tug o' war, back and forth on what I should do
There's thoughts that I wanna pour, but I have no one to pour 'em to
I reach out to get ignored, I feel depressed and I blame you
All this pain that I endured, left me broken and split in two
I swear I only have two modes – all-time highs and all-time lows
I can't get a grip on myself, so I sit and I yell
And I'm trying not to lose hope
I lost everyone I had close, no wonder why I feel alone
Sometimes I wanna grab ropes, stick my neck in the noose, dangle and let my ass choke
I'm sick of love being the reason I'm hurt
I'm sick of love being the reason I'm hurt
I'm sick of giving my heart, I'm sick of playing my part
Just for you to let me go when I put you first
Fuck you, I mean literally fuck you
Girl, I don't even need you
I'm on the rise and I wouldn't wanna be you
If I got one wish, I'd wish I didn't see you
My depression's depressing, it's taking control of me
I'm losing myself and I can't get a hold of me
I see my reflection and don't even know it's me
I feel alone and they don't even notice me

But how can I blame them when I'm out of line?
One minute I'm sad and the next I am fine
There's so much inconsistency in my mind
Just know that I'm trying

I don't know, where to go, highs and lows, it's got me feeling lost again
I don't know, where to go, highs and lows, it's got me thinking it is the end
Maybe I just need to breathe, breathe, breathe
Maybe I just need to breathe, breathe, breathe
Maybe I just need to breathe, breathe, breathe
Maybe I just need to breathe, breathe

Broken, empty
Pain, envy
Love, deadly
Lust, tempting
I just want to feel something right now, anything, anything
I'd give my all to smile right now, everything, everything
I'm so sick of crying, I just wanna die
Thoughts of suicide, just know I lost hope
Say I victimize, give me weak advice
Like I'm lying just to get likes on my post
Say it's in my mind, say I never try
Like you know me, sorry, you really don't
Why'd I even try to tell you my side, when deep in your eyes I'm just a big joke?
Tryna live lately feels like a chore
I fight in my mind since my mind is at war
I stare at my phone 'cause I'm tryna ignore that I realize there's no point to life anymore
And it sucks, I lost touch of the real me
Is there anyone out there that feels me?
'Cause my hope is decreasing severely
I scream to God and it's like he don't hear me, so
I sit in silence, my mind's in control of me
I know this isn't what life is supposed to be
Is there anyone around 'cause it's only me?
I lost everyone that's ever been close to me

But how can I blame them when I'm out of line?
One minute I'm sad and the next I am fine
There's so much inconsistency in my mind
Just know that I'm trying

I don't know, where to go, highs and lows, it's got me feeling lost again
I don't know, where to go, highs and lows, it's got me thinking it is the end
Maybe I just need to breathe, breathe, breathe
Maybe I just need to breathe, breathe, breathe
Maybe I just need to breathe, breathe, breathe
Maybe I just need to breathe, breathe

Maybe I just need to breathe
Maybe I just need to breathe
Maybe I just need to breathe
Maybe I just need to breathe breathe, breathe
Maybe I just need to breathe breathe, breathe
Maybe I just need to breathe breathe, breathe
Maybe I just need to breathe breathe, breathe
Maybe I just need to–

I don't know, where to go, highs and lows, it's got me feeling lost again
I don't know, where to go, highs and lows, it's got me thinking it is the end
Maybe I just need to breathe, breathe, breathe
Maybe I just need to breathe, breathe, breathe
Maybe I just need to breathe, breathe, breathe
Maybe I just need to breathe, breathe