A Letter Home

(album: Home Alone On Halloween - 2018)

Visiting a relative
Afflicted with a sickness is
Imperative in civilized life
But I haven't had visitors
In six consecutive winters
And I have seven children and a wife

They deny
The memory of me
Don't know why
They vilify me with their lies
It makes me want to cry

I hide up in my hiding place
Confined inside a private space
The city citizens all do the same
It's kinda wild, isn't it?
The city's full of citizens
Hesitantly pushing through the pain
Minding my own business is
The business I stay busy with
The city citizens all do it too
It's ridiculous, isn't it?
The city's full of idiots
All full of shit and foolish through and through

Why I hide?
It ain't hard to tell the answer why
The child behind my disguise
Dying my entire life

So give me just a little bit
Consider me a little kid
Give me just a little more time
If you deny the little bit
At least give me a cigarette
To kill myself a little more time
Give me one more chance
To line up all my stars and planets
And just give myself a bit of good luck
I promise to keep quitting drinking
Spend my evenings sitting, thinking
Wondering how much I would chuck

You shouldn't judge
Another, even your own blood
Your cousins, uncles, your true love
Your drunk husband stumbles in mumbling something like

True love is two hundred proof
And to prove my love to you
I will do the stupidest movements
A dumb university student can do
It wouldn't be prudent of you
To sign a lease and move in with a dude
With a bit of an issue with booze
And a history who blew it with beautiful girls in his youth
But now my usual routine is through
Now I'm getting used to doing new moves
And if music with grooves be the food
For the cute little lovers, well, shoot
Sure I could do a few tunes
If you'll listen to a nuisance croon

If you'll consider it a little bit
The kid in not a wicked kid
Just ignorant of his complicity
I admit I was a piece of shit
Though I maintain my innocence
So the least you could do is visit me
I'm living in a prison
Though not the one I envisioned
And it isn't in the city where I stay
It's in between my ringing ears
Incarcerated here for years
Pretty baby, care for me today

It isn't safe
Outside the basement
No escape
And no replacement
Know the way
To break arrangements
Don't delay
Just stay complacent, babe

The neighbors say I stay awake too late
Taken all they can take
They're making major changes starting now
All that was made was made to change
I have to say, my neighbor
Call me crazy maybe we should chart it out
That's when I produce my pen and paper
That's when I begin
To wage my war of words against my foe
That's when I rebuke the truths
That they knew as students
With the cruelty of my voodoo, then I know
That they won't disturb me
I know that they don't
Not want to hurt me
But they've shown
They don't deserve me
It's getting old
And it's getting dirty and gross

The murder rate is going down
But only in the other towns
'Round here they make their living selling death
The coffin factory is packed
The factory workers break their backs
They'll buy their own ones soon
Don't tell 'em yet
You bet that I got coffee stains
On every piece of cotton
Cough myself into a coffin of my own
It's often times I wonder
How much evil has been done under the sun
But that's impossible to know

The coffin slowly closes
Never more to open, no
As they lower it into the Earth
It's birth in reverse
Only those who go into the dirt
Can be certain if ghosts
Are mostly only jokes
Or if a ghost is just a person
Cursed to eternal repose

All I know is if they're haunting me
It must be 'cause they want to see
A geek with a paunch who needs TV to breathe
Gee, that's gotta help their self esteem
There's weeks I can't help but dream
Of wealth and prestige as selfish as it seems
Of a welcome mat laid out and only for me
Before the lavishest mansion you ever did see
That's where I separate irrevocably
From society which is so oppressive to me
I celebrate living in solitary
'cause it isn't as though it's involuntary
I hold on with astonishing greed
To the key to my miserable monastery
When there's no one to admonish me
Here, their authority, I abolish with ease
I'd demolish all the walls but these

So please give me a little bit
Of considerate tenderness
Give me just a little bit of love
If you consent to visit me
I'd forgive all this instantly
I admit it Give the kid a hug
Won't you give the kid a little hug
Forgiveness is the only drug
To cure my sickness
Visit me, my dear
If only you would visit me
The revisions to history would blow my mind
I wish that you were near

Is it fear
That keeps me trapped
Imprisoned here
With his last gasp
The captain cheers
Tied to the mast
The water clear
The waves are crashing
It's not the fear
It's not the fashion
It's not the beer
It's not compassion
It's not the truth
That I am telling
It is the fear
That keeps me here
Yelling through my well known tears

Celibacy evidently
Isn't too relevant to me
Dutifully fuck myself each time
Fucking myself over every day
I'm supposed to know by now
The road I chose is bogus
I'll keep lying
I'll keep lying to myself
Lying to everybody else
Denying that my life is gonna last
It's a life sentence I must serve
There's no repentance too absurd
I'll keep lying, saying it'll pass
That's a laugh

It's a mask that I'm wearing
It's my plastic protection
And a black jacket snatched
From the classics collection
And a hat slanted backwards
In a wacky direction
I've effectively resurrected sad reflection

Such a bastard
He mastered a craft of the past
Then he cast it in plaster
Then after the class
He kissed ass with the instructors
Making them laugh
At his asinine jabbering
It had to be magic
Dazzled and flabbergasted
They were frazzled
So they flat out gave
Everything he had asked for
It was cash by the basketful
Acid and grass
It was madness
He grabbed for the stash and he dashed
The total package was just total trash

So I refuse to give a shit
Not even a little bit
And I refuse to give the kid a break
It's strictly illegitimate
The business that this prick is in
I'm witnessing him make it being fake
I've taken all that I can take
Just like my neighbors used to say
And I'm about to vaporize them all
My laser aims at they who would replace me
They will taste the pain and pay me
Then they'll take five Tylenol

Can I call
The impostor by his name?
Would you fall
For his preposterous game?
Can I say
Who this monstrous freak could be?
Can't you see
It is me and only me?

So why is it you won't give in
And visit me, please?
Very sincerely
Patrick PO box 110993
Patrick PO box 110993
Patrick PO box 110993
Patrick PO box 110993
Please write to me