Dez The Demon Decorator

(album: Absurd-Ditties - 1993)

Brighten up you home, it said in the advert
All your decorating done by an expert
How the hell was I to know he's such a dirty sod
I wanted subtle shades, maybe something duller
There's paint on the chairs and the dogs a different colour
I'm the only bloke I know that does have a day-glo scullery...

[Chorus:]
Dez the demon...
Never coming back, he's never coming back ooeee
Dez the demon...
Never get a cheque, he'll never get a cheque from me
Dez the demon decorator

He split a tin o'gloss coz he's a clumsy swine
"I'll paint the carpet pink, I've got no turpentine"
Pink footprints everywhere reminding me
The neighbours came for tea and they began to frown
The wallpaper was cock-eyed, flowers upside down
What the flippen 'ecks that decorating clown done now...

[Chorus]

Dez the demons deed is done, my house is an eye-sore
Bumps & Lumps in the wallpaper, paint splashed on the floor
I won't be calling Dez the demon, won't be calling Dez the demon
I won't be calling Dez the demon decorator anymore...

[Chorus]