Against The Kitchen Floor

(album: "In Case I Make It," - 2022)

I don't owe you my heart, and I don't owe you my body
But you should know that I'm sorry for being careless with you
Lord knows I owed you more, than I'm pretty sure I ever could give anybody
But I can't pin down what normal people want from foreign objects
Bottom-shelf erotic products like me

So, I could hold your hand but keep you at arms' length
Oh, hang me from a branch too high to climb and shake
Less rare than scarce, less diamond than rough
Unlikely to be more than the coal you fail to crush

I swear I'm really trying
Get it together, Will, know and do better
It just don't come natural to me to think
That you'd want me for me
I swear I'm really trying
I'm sorry, I promise, I'm doing my best
I just haven't learned how to be human as you are yet

I still don't know who you are. I only know that I'm still lonely
That morbid sort where even company can't cure me
And the more you reassure the less I trust
But still you gave me your heart, I only gave you my body
Honestly thought nobody'd want it, let alone notice it's
Gone and so I left it home but now
Now, now, now

I keep a locket with a picture of the back of my head
Oh, monkey-wrench my side view mirrors, ghost my friends
I've lived more lives than enough, I haven't died quite as much
But I'm not a real person, just the shit you can't make up

I swear I'm really trying
I'm just as exposed if I take off my clothes
When we make the closest thing to love that I'm capable of
I don't know why you would care. But I'm really trying
I'm sorry, I promise, I'm doing my best
I just haven't learned how to be human as you are yet

Did I really
Have any of that gravity? Maybe you're quicksand
Because I really couldn't tell how deep my footprints went
The vertex of my redemption arc, the searching of that virgin heart
I'm catatonic in your arms, crying "how did I cause so much harm?"

I'm down pounding my head against the kitchen floor
Apologizing for my life and ever entering yours
Don't say "I'm sorry but this can't go on" I know you got scars of your own
But hide my knives before you go, I'll either live or die alone

I swear I will die trying
I'm still in the process but I'm making progress
I promise I honestly want to prove improvement's possible
I swear I'm so fucking sorry
I'm not a good person, I'm barely a person at all, but
Someday I'll be perfect and I'll make up for it all