Worried

(album: Letters To Our Former Selves - 2019)

Am I afraid? They say I look lonely
A permanent face painted on me
Always struggling in my decay
So, did I do something wrong? Or was it all my fault
That I've been put down all my life, and lost all hope?
Don't tell me again how these hardships we face are all for the best
It has to be this way

I woke up from a dream. I'm never where I want to be
When I look in the mirror I'm not proud of what I see
Could never find any comfort in my own skin
Standing on this ledge with all my selfish intentions

I'm so sick of feeling my heart beat
Contentment comes with a sacrifice I'm not willing to make
Cause there's this part of me that hates to feel me smiling
Am I too far gone? With all the self-doubt, I'm just so worried
I'm just so worried
I'm worried

Are you listening to my words?
Am I wasting air?
It's not as simple as you made it out to be
I panic and panic, poor melancholy me
I'm only an image of what I want to be
So why did I grow up to hate what I see?
Just know now if I could somehow
I'd trade it all, trade it all

Cause I'm so sick of feeling my heart beat
Contentment comes with a sacrifice I'm not willing to make
Cause there's this part of me that hates to feel me smiling
Am I too far gone? With all the self-doubt, I'm just so worried
I'm just so worried
I'm worried

Because everyday it's all so routine
To live with all the things I fucking hate about me
I've been numb for so long, I'd be better off gone
So scared to die, but that's all I really want
Do you feel the shame in these words that ring true?
"You never did all the things you really wanted to do"
Regret every choice I've made up to this point
It's never been an option. I can't do anything right
It's useless to ask what this life is all for
Cause if we found out the answers, we'd still want more
I just wish I had something to live for
I just wish I had something to live