High School Party

(album: Bo Burnham - 2009)

High school party, senior year
Boys and girls, they're all sipping on beer
I like soda, where's the soda?
Am I the only fucking person here that likes soda?

I see her from across the crowd
I said the party is bumping and the music is loud
You're really drunk and you're looking sad... It's like a date rape ad

Girl, then we start to dance and
Girl, baby this is romance
Girl, I'm starting to grow down below
Shit, why did I wear sweat pants?

Girl, you're body's like what conjunction junction
That's a fine ass, butt (but)
I'm like a cashew in a lollipop
Just keep sucking till you get to the nut

And I said let's rob an Asian kitchen
Or stroll down the block
Either way girl, we're taking a wok (walk) (...Nothing?)
You're gonna love me the way my uncle did
Except you're not gonna go to court for doing it
Be a guillotine or my girl instead
Either way I said you're giving me head

I'm gonna love you, baby the right way
Shorty with a body looking hotty when I say girl

We go into the bedroom exchanging nervous laughter
Why's it called dry humping, if I always need a towel after?
You spread your naked legs and I see that wound that never healed
Even though you're yelling for me, I can tell your lips are sealed (I've been around)
We're both aware of my erection, you ask if I have protection

I say: "No, I mean I tried to buy them once
I was in the convenience store
My old babysitter walked in
I had to hide them near the Tic-Tac's
I was so embarrassed, I peed myself a little bit"

Girl, girl

Insert a euphemism
A sexy mental prism
Increase my pelvic rhythm
Fill you with my syllogism
I know your body and I know how to please you
Don't thank me, thank Wikipedia

Guys don't go down, well I am
What the fuck is that? I should have brought my diagram
Ooh... Did you feel that? That was an educated guess
Ooh... Did you feel that? Uh, that one was a sneeze, my bad
I'm allergic to one type of cat

High school party, senior year
None of that happened 'cause I wasn't invited...