WHEN I BALL

(album: ROADRUNNER: NEW LIGHT, NEW MACHINE - 2021)

My momma said I didn't come into this world with tears
Instead I welcomed her with open eyes and open ears
Became the glue to a few things that couldn't be repaired
We saw our future in each other blending hope and fear
Some things you don't get to decide, it's just a fate you share
I used to try to hold the weight that she would need to bear
Watched uncles going on vacation for a couple years
When they came back they needed clothes and had no souvenirs
I pick up the phone, they're calling us from correction
But nothing is wrong, it's filling my heart with questions
My momma is home, I'm following her expressions
A drop in her tone, some things that she had to mention
I nodded, I listened, she had all of my attention
When you on your own, there's gonna be some directions
I need you to follow and never make an exception
I nodded, she held me and wished I would be protected

You always used to tell me
I can be anything I wanna be
But it's hard to see, it's hard to be
You always used to tell me
I can be anything I wanna be
But it's hard to see
It's hard to be

On my sucker free shit since I was a fetus
Pulling up at the doc in a Mazda 626
Bet my dad was tripping bad, hit the gas like car chase
Light blue in the back, momma getting labor pains
Dropped my sister at the bulls like house was 23
Sweat dripping down the face like river running free
Dark morning with the fog pouring in and out the trees
Every movement through they eyes seem to zoom at light speed
Before me she lost one still born tragedy
Gritting the teeth down to the root, pain like a cavity
Holding hands like they glued Radio channel on news
Valentines with a x up on the calendar
They knew I would be a fucking baller like them posters on the wall
A little stain could be the beauty in it all
Amidst all the trouble most ya luck was rubbing off
Sticking to ya like moss
You my Kate, you my rock, forever

You always used to tell me
I can be anything I wanna be
But it's hard to see
It's hard to be
You always used to tell me
I can be anything I wanna be
But it's hard to see
It's hard to be with you

Here I go
I'm gonna spread my wings
All grown up let go and look at me
You'll always be
A part of me

Here I go
I'm gonna spread my wings
All grown up let go and look at me
You'll always be
A part of me
A part of me
A part of me
A part of me
A part of me
A part of me
A part of me
A part of me
A part of me