Cussin' Island

(album: Life On The Flip Side - 2020)

Hello, kiddies
No, it's not Mr. Rogers
It's Jimmy, with a little tale
Maybe you'll like this

I know, I never should have written this song
I know, I'm in trouble if your kids sing along
I hope you don't misconstrue
This could be my waterloo if you do
And I know, the same thing could happen to you

Cruising down the coast of Panama with my kids
Snorkeling with the stingrays, 'cudas and the squids
Things were going way too well
All of a sudden heaven turned into hell
If you dare to venture out on the ocean
It's unavoidable to face some commotion
My kids were fighting on the foredeck
What the hell would Huck Finn do?

Hey young lady did I just hear you call your brother a stupid little shit?
You know you're not allowed to use those words
Now apologize lickety split

That's why I'm taking you to Cussing Island
Heading this boat south
I think you should know
That's where I met Cousteau
And we will work on your potty mouth

And when we get to Cussing Island
I'm gonna drop you on the beach
Anchor way out, get ready for the bout
And watch you exercise your freedom of speech

At first they looked a little frightened and dismayed
Just like those weird contestants on Naked and Afraid
It started with a smirk then the dirty words came gushing
I saw dolphins swimming by, even they were blushing
I stood there on the bow feeling like a hypocrite
As they fired unholy salvos
Like a German Messerschmitt

And they cussed horseflies, homework, Taliban, and Barney
Piano lessons, etiquette sessions, waking up too early
Making beds, taking meds, invasion of our space
They kept it up until they both turned blue in the face

World on our shoulders
Feeling like boulders
We're tired, please give us a hand
This is some weird shit
Cussing ain't worth it
Let's bury those words in the sand

Downwind, I could hear every word loud and clear
Having second thoughts of bringing them here
It was just a split second decision
Their repertoire was never envisioned
Past time to put an exit plan into gear

Time flies now all my little pirates are grown
Soon they'll be raising buccaneers of their own
Do I think they learned a lesson
Or was it just a silly ass show
Well the answer is part of the problem
The simple truth, fuck no

That's why we have to have Cussing Island
Our rally point and rendezvous
I've sailed many a mile, collected millions of smiles
And I know the same thing could happen to you

That's right it could happen to you
And you know where it could happen
Cussing Island